Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, one of the most important things in our lives is health. Without it, we can not work or enjoy our lives. Any disease takes the
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of our being.
On the contrary
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, the problem is that not everyone has enough money to pay for doctor consultations.
Furthermore
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, these
people
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just live with the illnesses they have, and one day, they can take their lives. In my opinion, everyone has the right to see a doctor and receive treatment for free, even if it does not involve the latest medicines.
However
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, sometimes the problem is with doctors at free clinics, who want extra money from patients for their work. To illustrate, many
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from our country share their personal experiences of
such
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situations on social media.
Additionally
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, the government should spend more money on free medicine rather than on some festivals that are not connected
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to
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our traditions.
For instance
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, they can launch a volunteer program where
people
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can donate medicine, because everyone should understand that it can help them too.
Firstly
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, donations should be on a web page, so scammers
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cannot
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appear.
Secondly
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, the government must explain to
people
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why it is important; without that,
people
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will not be interested. In conclusion, we should take care of our health and avoid stupid things at a young age. Children should be taught from childhood about the importance of the body and its organs, about eating healthy food, and maybe
then
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the number of illnesses would be reduced.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree, and keep this idea through the whole essay.
task response
Add more ideas about both sides of the topic: free health care for all, and the loss of new treatment because of high cost.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. Your example about social media is real, but it does not fully explain the question about expensive new treatment.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main idea. This will help your essay feel easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump from one point to another, for example from free clinics to festivals to donation pages.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way: first, also, for example, however, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
Your opinion is present, and the reader can understand your main side.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic health care
  • free public health service
  • medical treatment
  • latest treatment
  • too expensive
  • save lives
  • see a doctor
  • early treatment
  • hospital bill
  • fall into debt
  • rich and poor
  • fair system
  • public money
  • limited budget
  • emergency care
  • common illness
  • serious disease
  • old people
  • drug company
  • lower the cost
  • make treatment available
  • help a larger number of people
  • to a large extent
  • in my view
  • for example
  • as a result
  • on the one hand
  • on the other hand
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