IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All natural resources are limited. It is therefore important that all companies make products that can be used for many years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, the entire world faces numerous challenges,
such
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 as reducing the amount of vital natural
resources
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.
Consequently
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, there is a view that making
products
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 that can be used for many
years
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 by all companies is essential. From my point of view, it is a hugely non-beneficial and unnecessary approach. People who think making
products
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 that can be used for many
years
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 is important, because they are aware of some repercussions behind it. If natural
resources
Use synonyms
 are finished or depleted, people can suffer from some pressing problems, including
,
Correct determiner usage
a
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 lack of electricity, heating systems, and power. In
this
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 developed and cutting-edge era, living without them is difficult and almost impossible. Many
products
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 which people use in their daily lives are made from natural
resources
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.
Therefore
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, they are indispensible part of our lives. There are some downsides to preparing items for the future. The
quality
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 of the
products
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 is reducing. Namely, after preparing and completing the
products
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, they should be left for many
years
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 to
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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.
However
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, its
'
Punctuation problem
apply
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overall
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quality
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 is declining.
For example
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, there is a clear study, in 2015, in Japan, researchers checked the gas which is used as a fuel for automobiles. Namely, they compare the
quality
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 of the newly produced gas with that made many
years
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 ago. The study was finished with the newly produced gas , which was effective and productive. There are
also
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 some
products
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 which cannot be made ahead, even though they are preserved in
high
Correct determiner usage
a high-quality
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quality
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 atmosphere.
Furthermore
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, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 other problems that governments should pay attention
.
Change preposition
to.
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Instead
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 of focusing on future problems, they should try to find solutions to today's challenges. Improving education, healthcare services, and public transport play a crucial role in the development of the country. They should allocate money to alleviate some issues,
such
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 as homelessness, diseases, and extreme poverty.
To sum up
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, making
products
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 ahead has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little assistance.
However
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think focusing on other essential sectors has a profound impact on the development and improvement of the country. One of the best ways to mitigate
this
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 problem is countys' officals should prioiritise finding ways to save natural
resources
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,
instead
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 of making
products
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they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can be used for many
years
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Answer the question more directly. Say how much you agree or disagree, and explain why.
task response
Use main ideas that fit the question. The task is about making long-life products, not storing products for future use.
task response
Give examples that clearly match your point. Your gas example does not fully fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way, such as First, For example, However, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts jump to a new idea too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make your last paragraph short and clear. Repeat your main view and one or two key reasons.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction.
task response
You try to support your ideas with an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to join ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainable development
  • Durable goods
  • Product lifecycle
  • Resource conservation
  • Natural resource management
  • Circular economy
  • Consumer loyalty
  • Brand reputation
  • Economic impact
  • Innovative solutions
  • Planned obsolescence
  • Raw material usage
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