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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. ohters think there are more effective methods. discuss both views and give your own opinion

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A number of individuals believe that
goning
Correct your spelling
going
 to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 is the best way to stay fit and healthy ,
while
Linking Words
 others
thank
Use the right word
think
show examples
 there are more effective methods .
Although
Linking Words
 participating in
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 significantly ,
this
Linking Words
 essay argues that
therse
Correct your spelling
there are
 several ways
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 help
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 to stay fit
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as running
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
 and climbing mountains every
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
. On the one hand , a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer going to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 frequently.
This
Linking Words
 is
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
 in
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 there
several
Verb problem
are several
show examples
 machines , which can help them to develop any muscles in their bodies.
For example
Linking Words
 , there are some equipments specialize to improve
hans
Correct your spelling
hand
 muscles
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 provides
coach
Correct article usage
a coach
show examples
 to train the
biggners
Correct your spelling
beginners
 and any new members
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he shows them how they can use the equmpments by the right way,
in
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
show examples
 he
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them good
advise
Replace the word
advice
 related to their food to stay
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
healthier.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , others think there are
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 alternatives , which are much better than
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
so expenisve
Correct word order
is so expensive
show examples
. So
people
Use synonyms
 can run outside
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the early morning around their villages.
However
Linking Words
 , climbing is another good alternative for those who want to
saty
Correct your spelling
stay
 fit , because climbing mountains can burn a lot of colories with climbers in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 period.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my
country
Punctuation problem
country,
show examples
 Oman
every
Punctuation problem
, every
show examples
 year the government do climbing
competeinon
Correct your spelling
competition
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity in the
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
. In conclusion , despite going to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
can have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 some
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my view ,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is not the best way to
say
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 fit
there
Punctuation problem
; there
show examples
 are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 better alternatives , which can help
people
Use synonyms
 without spending money ,
such
Linking Words
 as running regularly and climbing with your friends.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Write a little more about why gym is good and why other ways are good.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your Oman example is good, but explain more how it supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and punctuation so your ideas are easier to follow.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used an example from your country, which helps your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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