Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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There are many nations in the world which mandate military service for the young population after they turn 18. Even though it is considered by many civilisations to be a duty with historical background and meaning, I completely disagree that it is a good idea to adopt
this
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system not only for men, but
also
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for women.
Firstly
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, compulsory military services lead to career breaks for youngsters since the duration is generally up to 18 months, which period depends on the governmental rules.
For instance
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, in Turkey, male graduates either have to become soldiers and
thus
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possess a gap on their CV or pay an extreme amount of money not to serve.
Thus
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, they are forced to make a decision on whether they can compensatefor asignificant interference in terms of their academic and professional careers , or they can start their careers with a debt to the government.
Additionally
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, many losses happen during military service;
consequently
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, it can result in a massive disappearance of individuals with bright futures.
For example
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, the USA has been experiencing a large number of deaths of its own citizens in Vietnam, Iraq, and Iran for many years.
Due to
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war missions, responsibilities in danger zones, and fights against terrorism, it is possible to see a decrease in the total number of those who are able to assist in creating the national fundamentals,
such
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as scientists, engineers, teachers, and many more. In conclusion, it is a more efficient solution to make military service optional for countries,
instead
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of mandatory. In
this
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way, Authorities will have the opportunity to send citizens who are patriotic enough, desire the utmost discipline, and can train themselves technically for martial assignments.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part at the start of the part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some links are good, but a few feel too strong or not exact.
task achievement
Add one more clear example or explain your example more to fully support your point.
task achievement
Stay fully on the main question. The essay is about service for all countries, but one example moves to war in general.
coherence cohesion
Check small word form and spacing issues because they can make ideas harder to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
task achievement
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
task achievement
You use real country examples, which helps support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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