IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is better to have only a few expensive clothes rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Having a style has gained
popularity
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 over recent years.
While
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 a significant number of
people
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 believe that they prefer wearing
luxury
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clothes
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instead
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 of having many cheaper
clothes
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because
people
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 want to
show
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 popular brand names on their purchased expensive
clothes
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that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 gives them
pouplarity
Correct your spelling
popularity
 and
power
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due to
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 social and media effects.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. Having a style has gained
popularity
Use synonyms
 over recent years.
While
Linking Words
 a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they prefer wearing
luxury
Use synonyms
clothes
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of having many cheaper
clothes
Use synonyms
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
people
Use synonyms
 want to
show
Use synonyms
 popular brand names on their purchased expensive
clothes
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 gives them
pouplarity
Correct your spelling
popularity
 and
power
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 social and media effects.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. On the one hand,
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people'
Check wording
people's
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 minds have changed about the fashion in irreversible
ways
Punctuation problem
ways,
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 in which they follow many social media accounts that have a great influence on
people
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's
preference
Check wording
preferences
show examples
.
This
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 is because these accounts
trigger
Verb problem
tend
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 to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 unnecessary
items
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with
Change preposition
at
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 high prices, and they provide an opportunity
with being
Change preposition
to be
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 popular when
people
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 wear them, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 reinforce their
popularity
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 and their confidence. Ultimately, individuals want to be noticed by their friends and lovers so that they never give a chance to
obselete
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obsolete
 fashion
clothes
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even
Punctuation problem
, even
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they
Correct word choice
if they
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 have high
quaility
Correct your spelling
quality
.
For instance
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, individuals buy some
luxury
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 sunglasses, which are not useful and
health
Correct word choice
not good
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 for vision health.
However
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, they feel under pressure because everybody wears them, and they do not want to be left behind.
Thus
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, there is a strong link between gaining
popularity
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 and wearing
luxury
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items
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.
On the other hand
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,
luxury
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 brand names encourage
people
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 to purchase them because they
show
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 their financial
power
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 through these
clothes
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. In the
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
, where
people
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show
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 their
power
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 and affordability through some
luxury
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items
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 and
clothes
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.
This
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 is because only a small number of
people
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 can afford
them to wear
Correct word order
to wear them
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due to
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 their high prices.
Thus
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, when they wear them, they think that others respect them and understand their
power
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. To illustrate, some managers wear
luxury
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 suits and have expensive pencils when they go to sign up
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
treatment. They have to do that because these pencils and suits
show
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 their level in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, and they don't care
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 money when they
bougth
Correct your spelling
bought
 these suits.
Therefore
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,
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 urge to
show
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 their social status
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
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 on these
luxury
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items
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 and
clothes
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. In conclusion,
although
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 many feel that having cheaper
clothes
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 can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs, I firmly maintain that
people
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's urges play a crucial role in their preferences, and some situations require special and luxurious
items
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.
Consequently
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,
people
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 want to be popular and
show
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 their social status in the environment where they live, and these feelings are the greatest impediment to purchasing cheaper
clothes
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why a few expensive clothes are better, not only why people buy them.
task response
Add ideas about quality, long use, or value for money. This fits the topic better.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and real. Some examples now feel weak or not fully linked to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the full introduction two times. This hurts the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, because, and so.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • long-lasting
  • cost-per-wear
  • economical
  • investing
  • ethical manufacturing
  • transparent
  • exclusivity
  • designs
  • mass-produced
  • accessibility
  • budget
  • fast fashion
  • trends
  • maintenance
  • dry cleaning
  • social status
  • psychological implications
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