IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many different countries have most shops and products as the same. Some think that it is a positive development, whereas others consider it as negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Shops
Use synonyms
 and products' similarity has become something ubiquitous (common) in many distinct countries. That brings some degree of dispute among those who look at it as a negative trend and others who believe it's a positive development . In my opinion,
this
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 phenomenon would erase individuals’ uniqueness that reflects their personality. On the one hand, people
,
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who support the idea of
shops
Use synonyms
 and products becoming the same
,
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 probably think
about as
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of
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 it
is
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as
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 a key solution to prevent the concentration in urban centres. Because when countries’ officials manage to equally distribute facilities and goods among their countries, people will no longer need to travel to cities in order to get a specific item.
For example
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,
shops
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 ,which have
a
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multiple branches in the city and the countryside, provide each citizen with the exact items without the need to go to centres,
therefore
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 achieving social justice.
In addition
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 to reducing the accidents associated with packed
shops
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 .
On the other hand
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,
this
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 event will
allows
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allow
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 certain companies to dominate the market, as it can have
the
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full control over the quality and the most devastating is limited our ability to choose, as goods become subject to their desires.The main issue regarding the trend
,
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 is that only powerful suppliers can grow faster,
whereas
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 the other competitive companies will vanish
and
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, and
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 the entire market will be
designed
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dominated
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 by
..
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...
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,
as a result
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 , buying the same items rather than embracing our variation.
To conclude
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,
this
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 development is really effective in terms of minimising the crowded
shops
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.
However
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, it will not only lead to poor quality products
due to
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 the absence of the rivalry, but
also
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 limit the options in markets.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then make your own view very clear in the end and also in the body.
task response
Add one more clear reason for each side, with a short real example.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are not fully explained. Show how and why more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well: On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Keep one main idea in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body part more organized. Start with the main point, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing and basic linking words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Homogenization
  • Multinational corporations
  • Consumer culture
  • Economic disparity
  • Cultural diversity
  • Standardization
  • Local enterprises
  • Cultural erosion
  • Mass market
  • Brand recognition
  • Economic integration
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