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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Certain groups of
people
Use synonyms
 have argued that in
technical
Correct article usage
the technical
show examples
 era, watching facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are no
essantial
Correct your spelling
essential
 since if they want to
watch
Punctuation problem
watch,
show examples
 they could search
it
Change preposition
for it
show examples
 online.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 other groups say that even
since
Correct word choice
though
show examples
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are important both culturally and economically. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and give my opinion. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
theatres
Check wording
theatre
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
cinemas survices
Correct your spelling
cinema tickets
 could be expensive for some families
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
just it is
Correct word order
it is just an
show examples
 extra
expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
show examples
, and most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 opt for watching online
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 wasting on tickets.
For example
Linking Words
, 5-6 years
ago
Punctuation problem
ago,
show examples
 most
cinemas
Use synonyms
 were affordable, and kids or members from
unfull-filled familes
Correct your spelling
underprivileged families
 were able to watch films in a cinema.
However
Linking Words
, because of inflation on taxes or
bills
Add a comma
bills,
show examples
 many companies
are rised
Wrong verb form
have raised
show examples
 their prices on tickets or other
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
preferce do
Correct your spelling
prefer
 not
waste
Verb problem
to waste
show examples
on
Check wording
time on
show examples
 nothing, and watch
onine
Correct your spelling
online
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
impression
Check wording
impressions
show examples
 from
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 not only
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 us happier, but
also
Linking Words
 expand our cultural and
economical
Replace the word
economic
 awareness
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
broadway
Capitalize the proper name
Broadway
show examples
 in New
Yourk
Correct your spelling
York
 not only entertains
people
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 contribute billion of dollars, and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 many jobs for
people
Use synonyms
. All tourists are attracted by
entertainments
Check wording
entertainment
show examples
;
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, they lead to
expanding
Replace the word
the expansion
 of
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
. So, entertainment like cinema and theatre
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 significantly vital for our country. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to say that 'without
art
Punctuation problem
art,
show examples
 the earth
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is just EH'. I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 could find the point of art, and
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to
explore's
Correct word order
explore why people
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 why they tend to art.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Say more about why online watching is good, and why cinemas still matter.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use main ideas that are easy to follow. Some ideas are hard to understand now.
task response
Support each main point with one clear reason and one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like First, Also, However, For example, As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid sentences that do not connect well, such as the last line in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
task response
You used an example about Broadway, and it fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like However, Therefore, On the one hand, and On the other hand.
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