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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, family members often do not eat meals together. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, it has become increasingly common for family members to eat meals separately rather than together.
Although
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this
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 trend offers more convenience for individuals, I partly believe that it has more essential drawbacks. On the one hand, young adults, especially teenagers, do not commonly participate in family lunches
due to
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 the development of technology. Since the technology is so advanced in social medias which created more opportunities for youngsters to order meals from online restaurants. So, they would prefer to experience more about the quality in these eating places.
Furthermore
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, restaurants often advertise the undeniable dishes with alluring photos, and a lot of discounts for children.
This
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 brings about the idea that eating out could be a chance for young people to widen their knowledge about the cuisine of other countries and places.
On the other hand
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, there are some families whose young adults spend their time building their careers and earning more money in other cities or countries , who might not have enough time to have lunch together.
However
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,
such
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 families would not oppose spending more time together on special occasions,
such
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 as the New Year and others.
Besides
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, sharing feelings in the family circle is just wonderful, and every one fell peaceful. In conclusion, a family meal at home can bring enormous meaning and feelings for each family member.
That is
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 why it is more necessary for both young adults and teenagers to participate in family lunch without any excuse.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first part. You say 'partly believe', but your main view should be very clear: is it mostly negative or mostly positive?
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are interesting, but they are not fully developed.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example, say how eating apart can hurt family talk, care, or support.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main idea. Now, some ideas move too quickly and are not linked well.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts use 'So' or 'However' in a way that feels abrupt.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence clearly connects to the one before it. This will help the essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which helps answer the question.
task response
Your conclusion gives a clear final opinion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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