IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. To what extent d oyou agree or disagree with this statement?

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In contemporary society,
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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 amount of stress and depression is notable
due to
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 the lifestyle and technological advancements. It is argued that living in the 21st century is stressful
due to
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work
Correct your spelling
work-life
life
Use synonyms
 challenges, health issues, and maintaining relationships. I partially disagree with
this
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 statement, because
this
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 century has
faciliated
Correct your spelling
facilitated
 technological advancements, better transport for commuting, and made communication easier and quicker for everyone. On the one hand, people are struggling to cope
up
Rephrase
apply
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with professional and personal
life
Use synonyms
 in the present, to maintain
the
Correct article usage
their
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 lifestyle. To improve the standard of living and to build better financial stability
individuals
Punctuation problem
, individuals
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 are working overtime.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 inflation and overuse of digital
devices
Punctuation problem
devices,
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 people fail to meet their needs and value the close relationships.
For instance
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, the survey conducted in India reveals that almost 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the parents are undergoing stress and its related problems, and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 spend time with their children.
Consequently
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, the modern era has a detrimental
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
life
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as depression
,
Correct word choice
and
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 poor parental guidance for children.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 era has improved the
overall
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 global development and quality of
life
Use synonyms
 of human beings.
The mobile
Correct determiner usage
Mobile
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 phones have made communication easier and
flexible
Rephrase
more flexible
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 by connecting everyone. Even individuals from rural areas are able to study and improve their knowledge with the use of digital devices.
Furthermore
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, the career choices have
inflated
Verb problem
increased
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due to
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in the wider
option
Check wording
availability
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 of
availability
Check wording
options
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. The AI technology is used in every industry
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as technology, business, education, and marketing.
For instance
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,
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of AI in Information Technology has boosted the
overall
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 economy of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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multinational companies
such
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 as Microsoft and Google. In conclusion,
although
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 the modern society changes
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 negative impacts on the community, it is undeniable that
this
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 era has made our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 easier, flexible and improved the
overall
Linking Words
 nation's economy.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. Say more clearly how far you disagree.
task response
Add one more clear example for your good points, not only for stress.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more, so each point fully answers the question about advantages.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, however, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or not fully clear. Break them into shorter parts.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example about parents in India to support your point.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas mostly follow a logical order.
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