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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table illustrates that in Australia
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 the
number of total
Correct word order
total number of
show examples
 research students enrolled
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 38,849.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 the numbers shown incline result of 54,081. The
overall
Linking Words
 summary of the given graph quite vividly portrays that, locals australians have shown
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
 87%
percentage
Use synonyms
 of male and female than the international individuals which total
percentage
Use synonyms
 were 13% in 2001.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of international students rose to about 27%. In
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 over 43% of the individuals
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 local females
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 44% were local males.
While
Linking Words
 4% were
non local
Correct your spelling
non-local
 males and 9% were local
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2010 local community of Australia has shown decline in
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
the male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 to 38% and females to 35% whilst,
the
Correct word choice
whilst the
show examples
 international people has shown increase of 27% from 13% from 2001.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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