IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It's generally supposed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger
people
Use synonyms
 should respect and take care of older
people
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 are the
problem
Use synonyms
 of modern society.
However
Linking Words
,
How
Fix capitalization
how
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should
give
Verb problem
treat
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 the important older
people
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present time for preventing the
problem
Use synonyms
 in society.
In many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
 countries are facing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 because many
people
Use synonyms
 are responsible
everything
Change preposition
for everything
show examples
 in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
,
One
Fix capitalization
one
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 person has many roles in society
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as parents, boss and teacher
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
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.
This
Linking Words
 reason
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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forget older
people
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.
Some
Change preposition
In some
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 countries, many older
people
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 live alone
which
Correct pronoun usage
, where
show examples
 the government
has
Verb problem
does
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 not
pension
Verb problem
provide pensions
show examples
 and facilities for them. In my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is the
problem
Use synonyms
 because
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 population are increasing every year. They don'
t
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 have a house for living, don'
t
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 have money and
children
Correct determiner usage
their children
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 and cousins don'
t
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 take care of them. The government must
be
Verb problem
apply
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help them by providing many houses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
Linking Words
this case invest
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 a lot of money to
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
this
Linking Words
 project.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, In some countries, The government help and support the older
people
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for instance
Linking Words
, European
people
Use synonyms
 have pension and good facilities
such
Linking Words
 as, free for seeing doctor don'
t
Use synonyms
 paying when taking the public transportation. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view that my country
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 it for them. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good reason

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task response
Answer both parts more fully: why young people show less respect, and what problems this causes.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph. Start with one simple topic sentence.
task response
Use clear examples to support each point. One real or simple example is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Write a short ending that repeats your main answer clearly.
task response
Avoid adding new ideas at the end. Finish the essay in a complete way.
task response
You tried to answer the topic and gave some reasons about busy life and lack of support.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphs to separate ideas.
task response
You gave an example from your country, which is helpful.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social structures
  • nuclear families
  • extended family
  • intergenerational respect
  • dual-income households
  • technological advancements
  • perception
  • value shifts
  • vigor
  • innovation
  • increased mobility
  • neglected
  • mental health
  • generational divide
  • misunderstandings
  • stereotypes
  • social fabric
  • healthcare strain
  • inadequate care
  • quality of life
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