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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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T
eenagers
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teenagers
 are often influenced in their
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 and situations by same-age friends. Which called “peer pressure”. It is my belief that the positive effects of
this
Linking Words
 matter could certainly offset its disadvantages. There are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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 having “peer pressure”. A common disadvantage is a difference in mindset which
inhibit
Correct subject-verb agreement
inhibits
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 a person
to improve
Change preposition
from improving
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 their capacity if they are influenced too much by
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 people.
For instance
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, a student who should improve slightly is inspired in a higher level practises from a better friend. It leads to the fact that they study too quickly and miss background knowledge. Another issue can be an awareness of right and wrong.
For example
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, some teenagers listen to their
friends
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friends'
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 advances without
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
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 the sense.
However
Linking Words
, in spite of these negative effects, being influenced in
behaviors
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behaviours
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 by others
in
Change preposition
of
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 the same age can bring about important benefits. One obvious advantage is that they can motivate each other to improve together. In fact, young people feel comfortable in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same generation environment, so it is much more effective to gain experiences from friends.
For instance
Linking Words
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 prefer to learn from each other
instead
Linking Words
 of asking professors when they have questions. Another positive aspect can be that a person will be well-behaved day by day if they are influenced by a considerate person.
For example
Linking Words
, a student illustrate their kindness
with
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to
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 others may inspire peers. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential benefits of having “peer pressure” are more worthwhile than the possible dangers if we stay awake and think wisely of every
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
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.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in each body part. Show more clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side.
task response
Add one more clear idea or explain each idea more fully. Some points are too short, so the reader wants more detail.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more real. A strong example helps your answer feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences easier to follow. A few ideas are hard to understand because the order of words is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and as a result. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in each paragraph. Do not move too fast from one idea to another.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include both bad sides and good sides, so the essay feels balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, body, body, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and each paragraph has one main purpose.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behaviors
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • social activities
  • risky behaviors
  • health and wellbeing
  • social skills development
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • empathy
  • individuality
  • independence
  • conformity
  • emotional well-being
  • mental well-being
  • self-esteem
  • negative consequences
  • positive influence
  • motivation
  • encouragement
  • sense of belonging
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