IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 as the world goes on
improving
Punctuation problem
, improving
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 more and more are eager to have fast
foods
Check wording
food
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. It's now a kind of habit for kids and
also
Linking Words
 adults to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 at fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants.
On
Change preposition
In
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 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 one of the major reason of using fast
foods
Check wording
food
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 in many countries is the shortage of
time
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. It should be investigated properly to solve
this
Linking Words
subject
Check wording
issue
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. As a matter of
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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 nowadays
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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all over the world ought to work outdoors more than before. You know that living expenses are so high that spouses should work together in order to gain more.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 they have little
time
Use synonyms
 to spend on cooking. Another reason is the great advertisements which being done by TV
programs
Use synonyms
 or magazines, tempting
every body
Correct your spelling
everybody
 to use fast
food
Use synonyms
. Now, parents are paying more attention to their children's needs regardless of how
much logically
Replace the word
logical
 they are. They are about to provide their needs
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 if children are addicted to
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fast
foods or so
Check wording
food
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. You know that obesity, high cholestrol, diabete and laziness are some outcomes of fast
food
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, and if it is
neglected
Punctuation problem
neglected,
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 may lead to serious problems. I think nutrition experts are expected to offer more warning
programs
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 to
people
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 about
this
Linking Words
 matter.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should spend a special budget on
giving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
some
Change preposition
with a
show examples
 solution about
this
Linking Words
 subjects.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 making animation
programs
Use synonyms
 bearing warning messages for the children is one way to make them aware of
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 fate. Or cooking
programs
Use synonyms
 which
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 how to prepare
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
 in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 seemed to be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 in solving
this
Linking Words
 problem. In conclusion, it needs to plan a serious plan and spend more
time
Use synonyms
 and budget to find a way on solving the peril of its widespread. I hope every person would be more careful about his or her health
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
on nutrition case
Correct word order
in the case of nutrition
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say more clearly why people eat fast food and what exact steps can help.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each paragraph. Start each body paragraph with one simple point.
task response
Add more direct examples. Small real life examples can make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, however, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence supports the main point of the paragraph.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You gave some causes and some solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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