IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
The aforementioned graph outlines the change in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of people in four different museums over a period of 35 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increasing throughout the decades in
Vatican
Correct article usage
the Vatican
show examples
,
Louvre
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Shenzhen
Correct word choice
and Shenzhen
show examples
 museums.
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the proper name
On
show examples
 the other hand , there was a
sharply
Replace the word
sharp
 fall count among
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
science
Capitalize the proper name
Science Museum
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
. Getting back into the details , in 1980
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
Louvre
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 surpassed
others
Correct pronoun usage
those of other
show examples
 international museums.
However
Linking Words
,each of
London
Use synonyms
,Vatican ,and
Use synonyms
shenzhen
Capitalize the proper name
Shenzhen
show examples
 recorded
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 than 6 million guests.In
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
London
Use synonyms
 and
Shenzhen
Use synonyms
 had been experiencing the same amount of attendance
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was around 3 million , and remained constant before
Shenzhen
Use synonyms
's
visitors
Use synonyms
 overtook
London
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
's attendance in 2000.
In
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
show examples
 in the same year
Louvre
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 witnessed its lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of people.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , in 2015,
Use synonyms
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
retoke
Use the right word
retook
show examples
 its position again and hit the topmost figure of guests,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
science
Capitalize the proper name
Science Museum's
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
's
visitors
Use synonyms
 have been decreasing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, louvre, shenzhen, london, museum with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: