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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is observed that not enough students are chossing to study science? What are the causes of this? What are the effects on society.

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It is increasingly observed that fewer
students
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 are studying
science
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subjects
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 at school and university. The main cause is the higher cost involved in pursuing
science
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subjects
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, and
this
Linking Words
 may lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 shortage of future
scientist
Check wording
scientists
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 in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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 field. One of the primary reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 choosing different streams by
students
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 is that
science
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 education is not affordable
by
Change preposition
to
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 everyone. Most
of
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apply
show examples
students
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 who belong to a middle-class family
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have
their
Correct determiner usage
an
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 interest in studying these
subjects
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, but
due to
Linking Words
 the high fee, expensive books, and different laboratory experiments made it difficult for them to bear
such
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 costs.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
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 choose other
steams
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streams
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as arts, commerce and vocational courses, which are comparatively cheaper than
science
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. Apart from that,
science
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subjects
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 are quite challenging and demanding.
Students
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 have to sacrifice several years to study different aspects, and after that they have to give exams to get
license
Correct article usage
a license
show examples
 in their field.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
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apply
show examples
students
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 find it more stressful and opt
easier
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for easier
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 options for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend can have serious consequences for
society
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. If fewer
students
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 study
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science
Punctuation problem
science,
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then
Linking Words
 there will be a shortage in certain fields
such
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 as medicine, pharmacy, and
in
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apply
show examples
scientific research.
This
Linking Words
 means fewer people will be available to conduct research, invent new medicines, and cure diseases immediately. Nowadays, people enjoy a better life expectancy
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
free
Verb problem
are free
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 from diseases, but the shortage of these professionals will create more
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
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 for
society
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.
Also
Linking Words
, the lack of these experts may slow down the technological advancements
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and weaken
society
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's ability to face health emergencies. In conclusion, the high cost is the major issue behind the declining number of
students
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 in
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science
Correct article usage
the science
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 field. If
this
Linking Words
 issue is not
address
Wrong verb form
addressed
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 properly,
then
Linking Words
society
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 may have to face severe consequences in the future.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes well, but effects need a bit more depth.
task response
Use one or two clear examples to make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few points are too general. Explain them a little more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well, but some sentences are long and heavy. Make some shorter.
coherence and cohesion
A few parts could flow better. Check small grammar and word form problems because they can make reading less smooth.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main idea is clear: cost and difficulty lead many students away from science.
task response
You give clear effects on society, like fewer workers in medicine and research.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow overall.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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