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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the growing population of cities, more and more people live in homes that have little or no outdoor area. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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The rapid growth of urban populations has resulted in an increasing number of
people
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 living in
homes
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 with little or no outdoor
space
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.
Although
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this
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 trend helps accommodate more residents in
cities
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, I believe it is largely a negative development because it has an adverse impact on
people
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's
health
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 and
overall
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quality
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 of life. One of the major disadvantages of living without an outdoor area is its effect on physical and mental well-being. Gardens, balconies, and backyards provide
space
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 for exercise, relaxation, and recreational activities. Children can play safely outdoors,
while
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 adults can unwind after a busy day by spending
time
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 in
fresh
Correct article usage
the fresh
show examples
 air.
In contrast
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,
people
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 living in small apartments often spend most of their
time
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 indoors, leading to a sedentary lifestyle, increased stress, and reduced physical activity.
For example
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, children who lack access to outdoor spaces are more likely to spend their free
time
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 using electronic devices
instead
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 of engaging in outdoor games, which may negatively affect their
health
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. Another drawback is the decline in
people
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's connection with nature and the
overall
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quality
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 of life. Having access to a private outdoor
space
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 allows individuals to grow plants, enjoy natural surroundings, and spend
quality
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time
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 with family and friends.
However
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,
people
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 living in high-rise buildings without
such
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 facilities must rely on public parks, which may be overcrowded or located far from their
homes
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.
This
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 reduces opportunities for relaxation and social interaction.
Moreover
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, limited outdoor
space
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 can make
homes
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 feel more crowded, especially for large families. Admittedly, smaller
homes
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 without outdoor areas make it possible to accommodate a growing urban population and are often more affordable than larger houses. They
also
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 encourage efficient use of land in densely populated
cities
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.
Nevertheless
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, these advantages are outweighed by the negative effects on
people
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's
health
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, happiness, and
overall
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 well-being. Governments and urban planners should
therefore
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 ensure that residential developments include sufficient parks and green spaces to compensate for the lack of private outdoor areas. In conclusion,
although
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 compact housing is a practical solution to the increasing demand for
homes
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 in
cities
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, I believe it is a negative development. The absence of outdoor
space
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 affects both physical and mental
health
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 and reduces
people
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's
quality
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 of life.
Therefore
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,
cities
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 should prioritise the creation of green spaces alongside residential development.

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task response
Add one more real or clear example to make your points stronger.
task response
You answer both sides, but you can explain the good side a little more before you reject it.
task response
Some ideas are strong, but a few could be developed more with small details.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but you can use a few more linking words to show the flow between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs are clear. Still, one or two topic sentences could be more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make the example connect even more clearly to your main point.
task response
You clearly answer the question and give your opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the writing is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches your opinion and sums up the essay well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • outdoor area
  • fresh air
  • sunlight
  • mental health
  • stressful life
  • private space
  • public park
  • city center
  • save time
  • cost less
  • buy or rent
  • play area
  • physical activity
  • stay inside
  • negative development
  • positive side
  • growing population
  • little space
  • daily life
  • safe place
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