IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that changing jobs frequently during a career provides more advantages than staying with one company for a long time.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe taking different jobs at different time of your
career
Use synonyms
 has numerous benefits
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 others say working with
one
Use synonyms
 organisation for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 period is best. I believe
when
Correct word choice
that when
show examples
 you work for many
years
Use synonyms
 with
one
Use synonyms
company
Punctuation problem
company,
show examples
 it provides satisfaction and stable
income
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss my view and other
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 with suitable examples.On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, where people sometimes join
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 just for money because at that moment they were unable to secure their dream
job
Use synonyms
 and work only for
income
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
career
Correct determiner usage
their career
show examples
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 usually take every opportunity just to have
source
Correct article usage
a source
show examples
 of
income
Use synonyms
 to get more time to learn
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 they need for their dream
job
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working in
one
Use synonyms
 organisation helps you build
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 because experience in any
job
Use synonyms
 position is essential to master the role.
For example
Linking Words
, working in
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
 department for
years
Use synonyms
 has great
benefit
Check wording
benefits
show examples
 when you identify
one
Use synonyms
 disease with different symptoms
only
Punctuation problem
, only
show examples
 with suitable
real
Correct your spelling
real-life
life
Use synonyms
 experience.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it can build trust and more patients will seek your
advise
Replace the word
advice
, which eventually leads to better
income
Use synonyms
. The other reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 working under
one
Use synonyms
 firm
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 it makes your
life
Use synonyms
 easier because when you know your
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
 and get on well with your
colleagues
Punctuation problem
colleagues,
show examples
 it enhances your chances to get success in
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, A person
waking
Verb problem
working
show examples
 in
warehouse
Correct article usage
a warehouse
show examples
 as a manager
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 well about every
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual's
show examples
 ability and can provide
task
Check wording
tasks
show examples
 according, so his
life
Use synonyms
 has less stress on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis.
To conclude
Linking Words
, changing jobs frequently in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
career
Correct determiner usage
your career
show examples
 may provide you
extra
Change preposition
with extra
show examples
 time to build skills for
dream
Correct determiner usage
your dream
show examples
job
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
working at
one
Use synonyms
 company makes your
life
Use synonyms
 easier and brings more
income
Use synonyms
. So, working at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 company for longer has more advantages over changing jobs frequently.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why you agree or disagree, and keep this idea strong in all parts.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Some points are too general, so explain them more.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic in a more exact way. Your doctor example is clear, but some other examples are less strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph easier to follow. Start with one main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts begin in a confusing way, such as 'On the one hand' when the point is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some sentences are hard to follow and this hurts flow.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You included examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, body, and conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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