IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, while others think that it is not necessary because all the information can be found on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 believe that it is important to learn about the overseas atmosphere through travel abroad,
while
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 others think that it is just a waste of time because we have informative television shows and the
Internet
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 to learn about other countries. I personally believe that travelling is more effective because it creates opportunities for someone to see other atmospheres with their own eyes and broaden their horizons. On the one hand, television shows
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and the
internet
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 are comfortable for
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 to learn about different cultures sitting at home. Trough
such
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internet
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 and shows,
Correct article usage
the
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crowd can learn about abroad news and
such
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 facilities can increase their outlook
while
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 staying at home.
For instance
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, there are some TV channels that allow
people
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 to know about various cultures and communities without visiting them.
On the other hand
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, travelling
also
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 might be convenient because it helps to interact with the citizens of different countries and witness the country with one's own eyes. When
people
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 visit abroad. They experience the cultures, languages, and behaviour of their
people
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.
Moreover
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, they can enhance their speaking skills though talk with their citizens.
Moreover
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, travelling abroad can boost
people
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's knowledge , and when visitors step out of their comfort zones, they can escape their daily stresses. In conclusion,
although
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 it is useful and saves
people
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's time to learn about other countries
though
Change preposition
through the
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internet
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 and shows, I personally believe that visiting is more beneficial to learning about them because it helps to grow someone's knowledge.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Make your main idea very clear in each body part. Put one clear point, then explain it.
task response
Use a more real example, not only a general one about TV channels.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and cleaner way. You use some link words, but some are not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and full stops. A few lines are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is split into clear paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • interactions
  • virtual means
  • cultural nuances
  • language acquisition
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • sustainability
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • sophisticated
  • realistic representations
  • comprehensive understanding
  • financial status
  • carbon footprint
  • digital resources
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