Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Toys
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play
important
Correct article usage
an important
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role in
children
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's development, but there is an ongoing debate when it comes to their quantity. A significant
number
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of parent purchasing an enormous
number
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of
toys
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their
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for their
show examples
toddlers. It has some upsides, including
broaden
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broadening
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their kids'
imagination
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,
the
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but the
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downsides,
such
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as being greedy for everything, can be far greater than the drawbacks.
This
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essay will elaborate on both sides and my position. On the one hand, one of the advantages of having a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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number
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of
toys
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is that
children
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can enhance a clear understanding of many different kinds of cycles and
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mechanism
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mechanisms
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. When they play
in
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with
show examples
a range of items like space crafts and animal
toys
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, kids can reinforce their knowledge about
from
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apply
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nature to space.
This
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is because these items are replicas that are scaled down from the originals.
As a result
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, these
toys
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have a great influence on their minds, providing an idea about their future careers.
For instance
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, some scientists who were raised in
affuluent
Correct your spelling
affluent
families that were able to buy
an
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apply
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enormous
toys
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are more
succesful
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successful
than their peers because they acquired
usefull
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useful
abilities during childhood.
Therefore
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, these abilities acquired in childhood are essential in
particularly
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particular
math courses
due to
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required
Correct article usage
the required
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imagination
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.
However
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,
unnecassary
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unnecessary
toys
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that are purchased by families cause some character
deformoties
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deformities
in
children
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's characters. The reason is that
children
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's
brain
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brains
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exhibit
nueroplasticity
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neuroplasticity
, leading them to form a subconscious
mechanism
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that
demand
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demands
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more without any
efforts
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effort
show examples
.
As a result
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,
this
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mechanism
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, sparked by their
learnt
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learned
subconscious
habbit
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habit
,
trigger
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triggers
show examples
some mental health problems because they feel a lack of ample items. To illustrate
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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child
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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has many
toys
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always
expect
Correct subject-verb agreement
expects
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more feedback or salary because they cannot feel
to be
Verb problem
apply
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satisfied.
Hence
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, there is a detrimental effect on their personality development. In conclusion,
although
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an excessive
number
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of
toys
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has some disadvantages, I firmly maintain that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because
it constitutes
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they
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broaden
imagination
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.
This
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imagination
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is vital because kids learn many different kinds of
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mechanism
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mechanisms
show examples
and acquire some essential skills, shaping their future careers.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your good side is clear, but the bad side needs one more clear idea and one real example.
task response
Make your main idea easy to follow. Some parts are hard to understand because the meaning is not clear.
task response
Use examples that feel real and direct. Your example about scientists is interesting, but it is too general.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some long sentences make the flow weak.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point step by step: idea, reason, example, result.
task response
You answered the question and talked about both good and bad sides.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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