IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

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The ability to manage
money
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 effectively is considered an essential life skill in today's society. Some
people
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 argue that financial
management
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 should be included in the curriculum of secondary and higher secondary
schools
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint because teaching
students
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 about
money
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 from an early age can help them develop responsible financial habits and prepare them for future challenges. One of the main reasons why financial education should be taught in
schools
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 is that it equips young
people
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 with practical skills that they can use throughout their lives. Unlike many academic subjects that are mainly theoretical,
money
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management
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 provides
students
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 with knowledge that has direct relevance to their daily lives.
For example
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, learning about budgeting, saving, and avoiding unnecessary debt can help teenagers make wiser decisions when they start earning
money
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.
As a result
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, they are more likely to become financially independent adults. Another significant benefit is that financial education can prevent young
people
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 from developing poor spending habits. Many teenagers are influenced by advertisements, social media trends, and peer pressure, which can encourage unnecessary consumption. Had
students
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 been taught basic financial principles earlier, they might be better prepared to distinguish between their needs and wants.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 can play a crucial role in creating a financially aware generation.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that
schools
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 already have a demanding curriculum and that financial
management
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 should be taught by parents.
While
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 families certainly have an important role in educating children about
money
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, not every student receives the same level of financial guidance at home.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 can ensure that all
students
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 have equal access to
this
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 valuable knowledge. In conclusion, I firmly believe that teaching
money
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management
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 in secondary and higher secondary
schools
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 is highly beneficial. It not only helps
students
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 develop responsible financial habits but
also
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 prepares them for a more secure and independent future.

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task response
Add one more real or clear example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some points are good, but you can explain them a bit more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more linking words like 'first', 'also', and 'finally' to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
One sentence with 'Had students been taught...' sounds less natural here. Use a simpler form for better flow.
task response
You answer the question clearly and your opinion is strong from start to end.
task response
Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • manage money
  • life skill
  • secondary school students
  • higher secondary students
  • budget
  • save money
  • spending plan
  • waste money
  • bank account
  • bank card
  • debt
  • interest
  • online shopping
  • compare prices
  • financial problems
  • real-life skill
  • practical subject
  • equal chance
  • money habits
  • future needs
  • cost of living
  • basic math skills
  • consumer knowledge
  • avoid scams
  • responsible spending
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