Many children today suffer from being overweight. This is a serious health problem. Give the reasons for child obesity and give solutions.

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In recent years, child obesity has become an increasingly serious health issue around the world.
This
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essay will discuss the main causes of the problem and suggest some effective solutions to address it. There are a number of reasons that
children
Use synonyms
are overweight.
First,
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they have no knowledge about how sport can shape their body. They waste most of their time on online games or TV shows.
Also
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, they spend more time on social media applications rather than doing some exercise.
Second,
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they consume a lot of sugar during the day. Their meals depend on sweets and candy , which are high in sugar. They
also
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drink soda with high calories
instead
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of water.
Lastly
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,
children
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prefer junk
food
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a lot. They love pizza and fried chicken , which
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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oil.
Also
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, they eat fast
food
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many times a week. There are multiple solutions to tackle child obesity.
First,
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children
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should do exercises at least three times a week or play physical games.
For example
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, parents mostly enrol their
children
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in sports classes or take them out to walk
instead
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setting at home.
Second,
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remove sugar from their
food
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. They can drink natural juices to feel refreshed and enjoy a nice taste.
Also
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, they can replace sweets, candy and chocolate snacks with fresh fruit.
Finally
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, parents should have control of their
children
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's
food
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. They control the
amout
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amount
of fast
food
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their kids eat.
Also
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, they can buy healthy
food
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and teach their
children
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what is good for them. In conclusion, there are more reasons and solutions to solve
this
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issue.
However
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, those are the most interesting points in my view.
Therefore
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, several people trade these points in different ways and locations around the world.

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task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the task: reasons and solutions. This is good. But your ending is not clear, and some ideas are too general. Make your last paragraph short and direct.
task response
Task response: Give one or two more clear examples. For example, say how often children eat fast food, or what kind of sport can help them.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are not fully clear, like 'no knowledge about how sport can shape their body'. Use simpler and clearer ideas, such as 'they do not know the value of exercise'.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-paragraph structure, which is good. But some sentences do not flow well. Try to link ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple linking words well, like 'first', 'second', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'. Do not overuse them.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your conclusion should match your main ideas. Do not add new or unclear points in the end.
task response
Task response: You cover the two main parts of the question: causes and solutions.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are relevant to the topic, such as sugar, junk food, and lack of exercise.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use basic paragraphing well, with one main topic in each body paragraph.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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