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Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parent and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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Building a healthy community starts from the youngest part of society. So, young people need to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early stage of their lives.
Punishment
Use synonyms
 is important to teach them the distinction. There are many different ways to educate a child to behave well. The most
imporant
Correct your spelling
important
 part of the community is the
children
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.
To begin
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 with, both parents and school are responsible to direct a child to behave as he should. To clarify, small
action
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actions
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such
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 as
,
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apply
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picking
its
Verb problem
up its
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 toys from the ground or
tidy
Wrong verb form
tidying its
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 bed .As a result ,
this
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 will help them to be come a important
socitey
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society
 member in the future as those small
action
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actions
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 will encourage their ability to benefit the society. Physical
punishment
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 was considered
as
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apply
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the most effective way to help
children
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 act well,
while
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 nowadays
is
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this is
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this
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 not the case. To explain,
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This
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this
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 type of
punishment
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 led to
negative
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a negative
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 impact on the
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children
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children's
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 mental health
as
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, as
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 lots of the older generation used to have negative
feeling
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feelings
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 for their parents.
However
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, in recent years, people started to be
awaer
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aware of
 how to deal with the
children
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 as the
punishment
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 is about talking and understanding their feeling them choosing the right
punishment
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. For
exmaple
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example
, one of the more efficient ways is to
reduse
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reduce
 their screen time,
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this
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which
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 will help them to rethink and understand that what they did is wrong.
Thus
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, parents know how to deal with their
children
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with
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without
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 the need to beat them or
using
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use
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 any type of physical
punishment
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.
To sum up
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,
desipe
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despite
 people having different views ,in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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children
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 should know their responsibilties form young age
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Punishment
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 is necessary to help them learn the distinction.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say how much you agree, and give 2 or 3 clear kinds of punishment that adults can use.
task response
Make each main idea bigger. Explain it step by step so the reader can see why you think this.
task response
Use one clear example for each body paragraph. Your screen time example is good, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like first, for example, however, and as a result in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your ideas connect well. Some lines are hard to follow now.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion in the end.
task response
You include an example about less screen time, which fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words to connect ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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