IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they have. Discuss both views.

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Some
people
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 think
advertisements
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 may have positive economic effects
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whereas
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, whereas
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 others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with
who
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what
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 they have. Discuss both views. There is an ongoing debate about advertising, with some arguing that
advertisements
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 may drive economic
growth
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,
while
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 others believe that they can have negative social impacts because individuals are not satisfied with their owners.
Although
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 advertising can act as a catalyst for the development of
businesses
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, excessive advertising can bring about serious drawbacks. Thereby,
companies
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 should
use
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advertisements
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 more responsibly. Supporters of advertising claim that it enables
businesses
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 to expand their
companies
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 by attracting more customers and
introduce
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introducing
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 their new
products
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 more conveniently and efficiently.
As a result
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,
people
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 can develop a better understanding of
products
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 and make informed purchasing decisions, which reduces the likelihood of buying low-quality goods.
Furthermore
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, advertising can provide unique opportunities for
businesses
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 to sell their
products
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 worldwide and enhance their competitiveness, resulting in
international
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an international
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 reputation and attracting foreign clients.
For instance
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, advertising has contributed significantly to major
companies
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,
such
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 as Benz, BMW, and Apple
to
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, to
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 import their
products
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 to other countries
which
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, which
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 has had a positive impact on the
companies
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 and countries’ economic development.
Hence
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,
advertisements
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 can lay the foundation for expanding
businesses
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 and economic
growth
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 in society.
On the other hand
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, the widespread
use
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 of advertising can lead to unhealthy purchasing habits, particularly among young
people
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because
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, because
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 it can give rise to a materialistic lifestyle, which encourages
people
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 to spend a significant amount of money on unnecessary items, placing additional financial pressure on families.
In addition
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, overuse of advertising can reduce
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people’s
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 tendency to buy
as
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, as
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 it can act as a distraction, which interrupts
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people’s
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 focus on other important aspects of life, thereby making them unsatisfied and bored.
For instance
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, the widespread
of
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use of
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 advertising technological devices has led to
people
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 frequently
spend
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spending
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 a considerable amount of money on buying modern
one
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devices
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while
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 their old devices still work efficiently.
Thus
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, excessive
use
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 of advertising can affect
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people’s
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 finances and create unhealthy habits.
Nevertheless
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, in my opinion, the
use
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 of
advertisements
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 should be carefully regulated to benefit
businesses
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 and countries because of their undeniable
action
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role
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 in progressing
companies
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 and economic development.
To sum up
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,
while
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 advertising can bring about economic
growth
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 and help
companies
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 to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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progress, overuse of commercial messages can negatively impact
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people’s
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 lives and cause social problems.
Therefore
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, it can be
much
Correct article usage
a much
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 more effective approach if governments impose stricter regulations to reduce their adverse effects, encouraging both economic
growth
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 and
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people’s
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 satisfaction.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the second side needs a bit more full support.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more exact. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few parts are not fully clear, like 'individuals are not satisfied with their owners'. Check meaning very carefully.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many. Keep them natural.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar. Make each main idea simpler and more direct.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your main paragraphs stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow overall because it has a clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use words like 'on the other hand' and 'to sum up' well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer spending
  • Economic growth
  • Brand awareness
  • Market competition
  • Innovation
  • Employment opportunities
  • Tax revenues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Idealized lifestyle
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Harmful stereotypes
  • Manipulative tactics
  • Psychological impacts
  • Ethical standards
  • Responsible consumer behavior
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