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Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? L

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The prevalence of
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle is becoming common in modern society, despite a significant number of gyms.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 problem can be attributed to a number of factors, it can
alleviated
Verb problem
be alleviated
show examples
 in various ways. One of the main reasons why many
people
Use synonyms
 continue having a sedentary lifestyle is
due to
Linking Words
 their jobs. Most
people
Use synonyms
 these days work in the office , meaning they will spend a considerable amount of
time
Use synonyms
 in front of the computer by typing or checking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
documents, which leads to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle. Electronic devices
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 another contributing factor. In today's fast-paced environment, most
people
Use synonyms
 use their gadgets on a daily basis for different purposes. It means that electronic devices have changed the way
people
Use synonyms
 live.Online shopping,
for instance
Linking Words
, enabled
people
Use synonyms
 to shop without leaving their homes.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 rarely started going out and doing
exercises
Check wording
exercise
show examples
. Despite these, the problem can be solved by providing
breaks
Use synonyms
 during working hours and reducing screen
time
Use synonyms
. One effective measure
is encouraging
Wrong verb form
to encourage
show examples
 workers to exercise is to implement 15-minutes-
breaks
Use synonyms
 in every 2 hours.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
breaks
Use synonyms
, employees should walk and do some exercise to escape from sitting for too long. A
further
Linking Words
 approach is
limiting
Wrong verb form
to limit
show examples
the screen
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there is one function on Instagram
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that tells
people
Use synonyms
 to leave the site because they have
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 too much
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scrolling. Once
people
Use synonyms
 turn on
this
Linking Words
 function, they can be aware of how much
time
Use synonyms
 they have spent and allocate
time
Use synonyms
 more wisely. In conclusion, the main drivers of the issue are having
no sufficient
Correct word choice
insufficient
show examples
breaks
Use synonyms
 at
works
Check wording
work
show examples
 and relying too much on electronic devices.
However
Linking Words
, it can
resolved
Verb problem
be resolved
show examples
 effectively by providing more
breaks
Use synonyms
 where workers can do activities and reducing the screen
time
Use synonyms
 by limiting the
view
Replace the word
viewing
time
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the causes well, but the problems of a sedentary life are not clear enough. Add effects like poor health, weight gain, and stress.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea very clear at the start of each paragraph. This helps the reader follow your plan more easily.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your examples are relevant, but they can be more specific and better explained.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words and small grammar forms in sentences. Some parts are hard to follow because of missing or wrong words.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You give solutions that match the topic, such as work breaks and less screen time.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly logical and easy to understand.
task response
You use examples like online shopping and Instagram screen-time reminders to support your points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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