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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school education. Others believe students should spend this time on academic studies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Certain individuals think that unpaid
community
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 service should be a compulsory part of high
school
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 education. Others believe learners should spend
this
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 time on academic
studies
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instead
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.
While
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 there are two different opinions,
this
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 essay will discuss both sides. Some people say that high
school
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students
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 should do volunteering for the
community
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 for free, which can improve
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students'
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 social life.
For instance
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, a large number of
students
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 study only for 6-7 hours a day, and if they add more hours for
community
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 service, it can develop
students
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' mindset and open a wider
number
Check wording
range
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 of opportunities.
As a result
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,
this
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 leads them to success in life and helps them see what they want for their future university major. Others think that learners should spend
this
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 time on academic
studies
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instead
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, which can develop
students
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' skills.
For example
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, a high
school
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 student who wants to be a doctor in the future can study
this
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 major from high
school
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 through academic
studies
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.
This
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 develops them professionally and intellectually.
As a result
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, many
students
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 find success
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 because it's helpful and enjoyable to study something they want. In conclusion, some think that high
school
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 learners should do unpaid
community
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 service as part of their education,
while
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 others believe they should spend their free time on academic
studies
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. From my perspective, I believe academic
studies
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 are more beneficial for high
school
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students
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 and their future.

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task response
Give your opinion more clearly in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Add more detail to each main idea so your answer feels more full.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are too general, so explain how and why more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example, result.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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