Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effect on society and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many
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peaple
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people
discuss the issue of spending time on watching
movies
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and play camputer
games
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.
Whail
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While
some
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peaple blieve
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people believe
that
both
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movies
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and
camputer
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computer
games
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have
negative
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a negative
show examples
effect on
socity
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society
and should be
controled
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controlled
by adults.
Other
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Others
show examples
argue that
computer
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games
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and
movies
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are just harmless
ralaxationt
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relaxation
.
These
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This
show examples
essay will discuss
both
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points of view
and
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, and
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i
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I
show examples
will give my opinion. First of all , one important point is that
both
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of
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apply
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watching
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movie
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movies
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and playing
computer
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games
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have
posative
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positive
and negative effects.
However
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, they can have
negative
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a negative
show examples
effact
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effect
on
socity
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society
.
This
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means that we should be
carefull
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careful
while
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playing on
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computer
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the computer
show examples
or watching
movies
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.
For example
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, some
movies
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include self harm clip,negative ideas,or disrespect
other
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for other
show examples
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peaple
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people
. As a
resalt
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result
, there
is
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are
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many tennagers can copy what
the
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they
show examples
see in
movies
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is some time will reduce
problemsTherefore
Punctuation problem
problems. Therefore
show examples
,the point
show
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shows
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that we should be
carefull whail
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careful while
watching
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movie
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movies
show examples
or playing
computer
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Use synonyms
games
Punctuation problem
games,
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especially if
tennagers
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teenagers
or kids are around us.
On the other hand
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, another important point is that some
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peaple
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people
think that
both
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computer
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games
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and
movies
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are just harmless relaxation.
For instance
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, there
is
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are
show examples
some
movies
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made
espacially
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especially
for
tennagers
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teenagers
that
includes a
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include
show examples
positive ideas and a story fit
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
age.
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this
Capitalize the word
This
show examples
can lead to
that
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apply
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everyone
can
Wrong verb form
being able to
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watch a
movie
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or play
computer
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games
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that fit
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
age.
Therefore
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, in my opinion, guid is important
whail
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while
watching
movies
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or
plying
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playing
games
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espacially for young kids and teenagers.
in coclusion
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In conclusion
, after cosidering main points ,
i blieve thats
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I believe that
both
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movies
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and
computere
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computer
games
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are a good activity that makes
yong
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young
and adults
peaple
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have fun in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
time .
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they should
chosing
Wrong verb form
choose
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the
movie
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or the game they want to play
carfully
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carefully
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Say more about why some people want control and why others think it is safe.
task response
Give a clearer opinion all through the essay, not only at the end.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your example about self-harm is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts are hard to follow now.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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