IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Animals are in danger of extinction. Some people say that we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays , many
people
Use synonyms
 discuss the issue
protecting
Change preposition
of protecting
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
frome
Correct your spelling
from
 danger .
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that humans should protect all the
animals
Use synonyms
 from danger.Another
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
 should save only those
animals
Use synonyms
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
show examples
 useful to
humens
Correct your spelling
humans
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
reason
Check wording
reasons
show examples
 why we should protect
animals
Use synonyms
 . I believe that all
animals
Use synonyms
 are useful in many different ways . First of all , one important point is that some
people
Use synonyms
 think they should protect only those
animals
Use synonyms
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
show examples
 important in
humans
Replace the word
human
 life.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the word
This
show examples
 means that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they do not think that all the
animals
Use synonyms
 are important .
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example,they think cow is importan because they give us milk.
However
Linking Words
 , they think
bee's
Check wording
bees
show examples
 are not important
although
Linking Words
 they can
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 honey .
As a result
Linking Words
 , those
people
Use synonyms
 will protect only the
animals
Use synonyms
 that they found them useful .
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 point shows that not all
people
Use synonyms
 realise
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 all
animals
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important in differant way
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another important point is that some
people
Use synonyms
 protect all the
animalsn
Correct your spelling
animals
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.In
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 words, they believe
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 all the
animals
Use synonyms
 are
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 and important for the life system .
For instance
Linking Words
,
chiken
Correct your spelling
chicken
 can give us egg whitch is full of
protine
Correct your spelling
protein
.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
love
Wrong verb form
loving
show examples
 all the
animals
Use synonyms
 and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 them from any extinction and dangers .
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 protecting all
animals
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 us to
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life .
i
Capitalize the word
I
show examples
 believe that we should care about them . In conclusion , after considering the main points ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that we should love and protect all of the
animals
Use synonyms
 because all of them are
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
.
Although
Linking Words
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 side may have some value, helping small
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
cat
Check wording
cats
show examples
,
chiken
Correct your spelling
chickens
,
rabets
Correct your spelling
rabbits
is more important .
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should protect all
animals
Use synonyms
 .

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the question. Say early that you disagree with the idea of saving only useful animals.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Tell why all animals matter, not only that they help people.
task response
Use better examples. Your examples about cows, bees, and chickens are simple, but you need examples that show why all animals are important.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea and keep all sentences linked to it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some are used, but sometimes they do not fit well.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and meaning. Some parts are hard to follow because ideas repeat or are not fully clear.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like first of all, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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