Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In today's world,
computer
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technology
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has become a part of our communications, medicine and transport
systems
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. Even though some people believe that it brings about a hazardous condition, it is inevitable to say that
computer
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technology
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definitely benefits the
systems
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we frequently use.
This
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essay explains
this
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statement in detail.
Firstly
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, it is much easier to ensure users' data safety through
technology
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for our daily use of Internet-based
systems
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and applications.
For instance
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, these developed
systems
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by highly-skilled experts suggest personal verification or 2-step authentication.
This
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prevents the data leakage to third-party users or bots, as exposure becomes impossible by these methods , which require face ID or a second password to access the system.
Consequently
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, a decrease in the spread of personal information is achieved.
Secondly
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,
computer
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technology
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results in affordable, fast, and reliable public
systems
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.
For example
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, anyone who needs a transportation ticket can compare options from different sources and select the most suitable one.
In addition
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to that, it is significantly flexible to book a medical appointment through governmental or hospital applications, which offer to choose from a variety of time slots and available doctors.
Furthermore
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, our communication channels consist of ID verified feature for us to distiguish acounts hold by real and trusted people from scams.
Hence
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, it provides reliability and creates healthy platforms for individuals.
To sum up
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,
computer
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technology
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supports our routines,
such
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as communications, medicine and transport
systems
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, positively, rather than causing a dangerous situation. We have been constantly experiencing how it actually contributes to us with its advantages;
thus
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, it is a fact that we will soon try to integrate it
in
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into
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more areas to have more comfortable lives.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree in the first part, and keep this the same all through the essay.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need deeper support and clearer links to danger or safety.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. Your transport and medical examples are relevant, but the communication example is a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few sentences feel long or hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because small errors sometimes make the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical order with body paragraphs and examples.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You use relevant ideas from communication, medicine, and transport.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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