IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In these
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These
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 days, advertising and public relation has become a powerful tool for promoting
products
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 and services. Some
people
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 claim that it is highly effective in encouraging
people
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 to
purchase
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 goods and services,
while
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 the tactics for these promotions are seen everywhere, so we wouldn’t need to pay attention to them anymore. From my point of view, I partially agree with both views, because both opinions are relevant in real-world situations. On the one hand, advertising strongly influences
people
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 to get purchae a lot of unnecessary
products
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and
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, and
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people
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 are moving towards excessive consumerism.
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Although advertising
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Advertising
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 is everywhere and
nudging
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nudges
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people
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 to
purchase
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 the
products
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 directly or indirectly. It is appearing almost everywhere across digital platforms
such
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 as online shopping websites and apps, touchscreen
self-services
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self-service
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 machines, delivery services, public spaces, and traditional media.
Furthermore
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, celebrity endorsement is
also
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powerful
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a powerful
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 form of advertisement, and it is a kind of mental shortcut that makes
people
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 more likely to trust a product and make a quick decision even
uncertain
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in uncertain
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time
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times
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.
it
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It
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 is impossible to completely avoid the effect of advertisements today.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 advertisements are almost everywhere,
it
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they
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 can help
people
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 to compare different
products
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 and research which one is the best option for their needs.
People
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 should use the information
that is
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 provided in advertisements as an opportunity
instead
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 of making excessive
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purchase
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purchases
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 before buying the goods and
products
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. In conclusion, even
advertising
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though advertising
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 is extremely effective, we could reduce
the
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apply
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unnecessary
purchasing
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purchases
 by applying a
personalized
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personalised
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 strategy
like
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, such as
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 comparing and researching the shopping list and primary need assessment before clicking the
purchase
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 button. Creative advertising could encourage
people
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for
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towards
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 excessive consumerism, but extensive and repetitive advertising tends to be overlooked.

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task response
Score: 6. Your main ideas are clear, but the second view is not fully developed. The question asks why people may no longer pay attention to ads. Explain that people see too many ads, get bored, skip them, or do not trust them.
task response
Give one clear example for each view. For example, a famous person may make someone buy a new phone. But people may close a video ad after seeing the same ad many times.
task response
Your opinion should be more direct. Say which view is stronger: ads can work, but too many repeated ads often lose their power.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is mostly clear, but some ideas in the first body part are long and joined together. Use shorter sentences and one main point in each part.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part does not match its main point well. It talks about comparing products, but it should mainly explain why people ignore ads. Add a separate point about comparing products only if it supports your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Therefore”.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Your answer stays on the topic.
task response
You give useful points about online ads and famous people in ads.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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