Some people say that sports play an important role in society, while others believe that they are nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Several communities believe that physical action holds significant value for some crowds,
while
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others argue that they are just leisure pursuits. I personally aligned with the first perspective and will describe the reasons why. On the one hand, the majority of society fails to recognise the personal benefits of engaging in physical exercise. They often prioritise weightier matters,
such
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as academic pursuits and career advancement. In most countries, parents discourage their children from participating in sports and exercise
due to
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fearing it will disturb to their academic studies and preparation for exams.
Moreover
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, adults may escape from physical recreation in order to enhance their earning potential.
On the other hand
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, proponents of physical activity argue that they provide many benefits to communities. Participating in team business enhances friendship and boosts a sense of purpose among players.
This
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cooperative spirit can lead to the country being famous and the strongest through the championships.
Furthermore
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, public sporting events play a crucial role in public health. As long as governments encourage mass participation in physical activity, it instils in the population a passion for enterprise and a healthy lifestyle.
As a result
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, these methods will create a healthy future for our generation. In conclusion,
while
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some individuals may prioritise personal pursuits and believe distractions are unnecessary for society, I firmly endorse the view that the importance of physical hustleare important. Sports may boost health and reduce laziness in a
nation in their
Fix the agreement mistake
nation's
show examples
lifestyle.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why some people see sports as free time only, and why others see sports as important for society.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way in the body, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the last one in a clear order.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are mostly easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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