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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the differences of methods in China to transport goods between 2001 and 2015

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The line graph illustrates the three types of methods
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
,
road
Use synonyms
 ,sea and
Use synonyms
rail
Punctuation problem
rail,
show examples
 to transport goods in
china
Capitalize the proper name
China
show examples
 from 2001 to 2015. Units were measured in
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 of
kilometres
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, China’s goods
had
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 transported the largest
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
road
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for
rail
Use synonyms
 throughout the period shown. In 2001,
road
Use synonyms
 method started at around just over 0,4
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
rail
Use synonyms
 stood at 0,5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 the figure for
road
Use synonyms
 increased gradually to roughly 2,6
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 compared to about 1,9
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 for
rail
Use synonyms
 in 2005. Over the following six years, there saw a dramatic
rose
Replace the word
rise
 with some
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuation
to just over 5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
road
Use synonyms
than
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 roughly 4.5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
rail
Use synonyms
. By 2015, the pattern for
road
Use synonyms
had
Check wording
transport had
show examples
fell
Wrong verb form
fallen
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 slowly to exactly 5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
kilometres
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
rail
Correct article usage
the rail
show examples
 method had
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
 to 4.3
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
kilometres
Use synonyms
. Regarding
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
 method, it was approximately 1.2
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in 2001. Over the next eight years,
this
Linking Words
 number jumped
steadiliy
Correct your spelling
steadily
 to under 2
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
. The figure remained constant
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 3
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in 2013. After that,
this
Linking Words
 number had dropped to around 2.5
million
Use synonyms
tonnes
Use synonyms
kilometres
Use synonyms
 by 2015.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words road, rail, million, tonnes, kilometres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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