IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

'Prevention is better than cure''. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invets in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, it has been widely
arugued
Correct your spelling
argued
 that prevention is far better than cure. Not only is treating disease expensive, but researching
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 costly. The best way to cure disease is
investing
Change preposition
by investing
show examples
 in preventative measures. In fact, I believe the same
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 three main reasons. One of the main reasons is that it can reduce the number of people who develop avoidable illnesses. When
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 promotes
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet and
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
show examples
 in educating
individuals
Use synonyms
, it not only
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the life span of
individuals
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
the chances of any diseases will significantly decrease
Correct word order
significantly decreases the chances of any diseases
show examples
. For
examples
Check wording
example
show examples
, in some countries there are sessions conducted to educate citizens to avoid sugar and gluten
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to lesses possibility of getting diagnosed with
Diabetis
Correct your spelling
Diabetes
 and obesity. Another reason is that when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invest in building recreational activities, gymnasium and yoga classes near residential
areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
show examples
then
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
 feel more motivated to do exercise regularly, and have lesses chance of getting any illness. There are a lot of dieases which can cause because of sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who work extended hours sitting on chair are more likely to
diagnosed
Verb problem
be diagnosed
show examples
 with
back
Correct article usage
a back
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 or neck problem
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 might be difficult to treat.
Lastly
Linking Words
, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invest preventative measures
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as introducing
in IOT
Change preposition
IoT
show examples
 devices which can detect early
symptoms
Punctuation problem
symptoms,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it will be
caurable
Correct your spelling
curable
 in the initial stage. There are different levels in Cancer, and with the help of IOT
devices
Add a comma
devices,
show examples
 it is easy to detect if any person
diagnosed
Verb problem
is diagnosed
show examples
 with
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 stage of it.
Although
Linking Words
 there are other traditional ways to defect Cancer, with the help of AI and IOT makes
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 process of detecting any
dieases
Verb problem
diseases becomes
show examples
 effective and efficient.
To conclude
Linking Words
, not only does investment in promoting healthy habits to
individuals
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
construcing
Verb problem
constructing
show examples
 recreational
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 nearby residential areas and spending money on AI
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps detect
symptoms
Punctuation problem
symptoms,
show examples
 will be less expensive than researching and treating disease.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on the topic and your view is clear. To get a higher score, explain more fully why spending on prevention saves more money than research and treatment. This money point is central to the question.
task response
Some examples are useful, but a few claims are too strong. For example, people do not need to avoid gluten unless they have a health problem. Use safer examples, such as less sugar, more walking, and free health checks.
task response
Do not say prevention can cure disease. Prevention can stop disease or find it early. Treatment is still needed for many people, so add one short sentence to show this balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is easy to follow, but some sentences are very long. Split them into two or three short sentences so each idea is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each body part. In the last body part, focus on early checks. Do not mix early checks, AI, and many different disease ideas in one long point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links inside paragraphs: “This means that...”, “As a result,...”, and “For this reason,...”. These will show the link between your point, its reason, and its example.
task response
You give a clear opinion: you agree that prevention is better than cure.
task response
You give three main ideas: healthy food and learning, places for exercise, and early checks with new tools.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, three body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “One of the main reasons”, “Another reason”, “Lastly”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • public health campaigns
  • health education
  • healthy lifestyle
  • regular physical activity
  • balanced diet
  • early detection
  • routine health checks
  • screening programmes
  • vaccination programmes
  • avoidable illnesses
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • reduce the burden on hospitals
  • healthcare expenditure
  • medical research
  • life-saving treatment
  • genetic conditions
  • long-term savings
  • allocate public funds
  • a balanced approach
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