IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children?What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

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It is often argued that some parents always accept all the demands of children and give
complete
Correct pronoun usage
them complete
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 freedom to do what they like
to do
Verb problem
apply
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. I believe complete freedom can be
dectrimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 and
effective
Verb problem
have effective
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 consequences
to
Change preposition
on
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 their
children hood
Correct your spelling
childhood
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand, giving too much freedom is dangerously harmful to
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 of kids
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 children should be supervised by
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
 with limited resources

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Task response
Score: 4. The essay is far too short and does not fully answer both questions. Add two full body parts: one on why this is not good for children, and one on what may happen when they grow up.
Task response
Give clear, real examples. For example, a child who always gets what they want may not learn to wait, share, or deal with a 'no'.
Task response
Explain the future results in more detail: they may have problems at school, work, money, or with other people.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 4. Use a clear plan: introduction, body 1, body 2, and conclusion. Your essay stops in the middle of the first body part.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to join ideas: 'First', 'For example', 'As a result', 'Also', and 'In conclusion'.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not use 'In one hand'. Write 'On the one hand' only when you will also write 'On the other hand'. Here, 'First' is better.
Task response
You give a clear main view: too much freedom can be bad for children.
Coherence and cohesion
Your first sentence introduces the topic, and the next sentence gives your main answer.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
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