IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

'Prevention is better than cure''. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invets in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree

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These days, many individuals prefer to buy costly drugs to
cure
Use synonyms
thei
Correct your spelling
their
 disease
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, others think that it would be better
prevention
Use synonyms
 compared to
cure
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I would like to give reasons why I completely agree.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, we are living in the modern era, and thanks to artificial intelligence, doctors can
cure
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 the most difficult diseases with
a
Correct article usage
the
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 help of AI.
For example
Linking Words
, we should go
yearly
Change preposition
for yearly
show examples
check
Check wording
check-ups
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 for our health
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 help of
AI
Punctuation problem
AI,
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 it would be easy to find
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 disease
where
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 has started. In
this
Linking Words
 case
prevention
Use synonyms
 play crusial role to do some
cure
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 to reduce the disease fully.
In addition
Linking Words
, Daily exercise
also
Linking Words
 helps to prevent because our immune system needs daily exercise. Old and young generations should work out
otherwise
Linking Words
; as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, it will be too late for
prevention
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, treating diseases is not always an option all the time. Because some people can not afford the money to spend on drugs, or they can easily do not want to spend their time which will be useful for their life. Because of
laziness
Punctuation problem
laziness,
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 they can lose their life forever, little things can break your life. In conclusion,
prevention
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 is the most helpful way to not spend most of our money
to
Change preposition
on
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 a range of different drugs. If individuals attract attention to their health,it could not be tough
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
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 the end

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overall score
Estimated IELTS Writing Task 2 score: 5. This is because your main opinion is clear, but your ideas need more clear support and your sentences are often hard to understand.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. The question is about spending money on prevention instead of research and treatment. You should explain why governments or health services should spend more on prevention.
task response
Develop each main idea. For example: prevention such as free health checks, clean water, and health education can stop illness early and save money later. Then explain how this reduces the need for costly drugs and hospital care.
task response
Your AI example is related to early health checks, but it is not well explained. Make the link clear: AI can find health problems early, so people can get help before the illness becomes serious.
task response
The second body part is not clear enough. Do not say people may not want to spend time because of laziness. Instead, explain that poor people may not be able to pay for costly treatment, so low-cost prevention is more fair.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph. Paragraph 1 can be about saving money. Paragraph 2 can be about keeping more people healthy, especially poor people.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect clearly. For example, “little things can break your life” is too general. Replace it with a clear result, such as “Without early care, a small health problem can become a serious disease.”
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion stronger. Repeat your opinion and give two short reasons: prevention saves public money and stops serious illness before it starts.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence meaning carefully. For example, write “people should have a health check every year” instead of “we should go yearly check for our health.”
task response
You give a clear opinion: you agree that prevention is better than cure.
task response
You give relevant ideas about health checks, exercise, and the high cost of drugs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some clear linking words, such as “To begin with”, “For example”, “In addition”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • public health campaigns
  • health education
  • healthy lifestyle
  • regular physical activity
  • balanced diet
  • early detection
  • routine health checks
  • screening programmes
  • vaccination programmes
  • avoidable illnesses
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • reduce the burden on hospitals
  • healthcare expenditure
  • medical research
  • life-saving treatment
  • genetic conditions
  • long-term savings
  • allocate public funds
  • a balanced approach
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