IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while other struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
As it is enunciated, in contemporary society, a glaring income disparity exists within the art world, where a small elite of modern
artists
Use synonyms
 command astronomical prices
while
Linking Words
 others struggle to meet basic living needs. Some argue that
government
Use synonyms
 intervention is necessary to rectify
this
Linking Words
 imbalance. Public funding should primarily provide foundational support and equal opportunities rather than attempting to
equalize
Change the spelling
equalise
show examples
 financial outcomes in a
market
Use synonyms
 which driven by individual preferences. Drawing on a dialectic
view
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and a meta -synthetic methodology , I would pen how
this
Linking Words
 concern always triggers many
polarized
Change the spelling
polarised
show examples
 views. Albeit there is a
dichotomy
Replace the word
dichotomous
view
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 concern, I harbor belief that
this
Linking Words
 apprehension is warranted
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it should
beg for
Verb problem
be accompanied by
show examples
 some profound justification and conspicuous exemplifications. I will venture and pursue a speculative hypothesis throughout my elaboration. At the same time, it
just crucially, it is conceived
Correct word order
is crucial
show examples
 that they are subject to the most stringent, demanding and formal standard assessment with respect to the basic requirement of logical
rigor
Change the spelling
rigour
show examples
 and conceptual precision. I provide an interesting
characterization
Change the spelling
characterisation
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
and,
show examples
 exemplify essential elements
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 justify my claim from my perspective. Neo liberal society has profoundly placed a high premium on
artists
Use synonyms
 industry as it is deeply rooted in the social, cultural and economic context. It is not heresy to mention that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 art serves as a vital reflection of the nation’s identity and heritage
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 if financial survival is left entirely to
market
Use synonyms
force
Check wording
forces
show examples
, talented creators may be forced to abandon their practices.
This
Linking Words
 would lead to disruption in the creative industry.
Government
Use synonyms
 grants,
subsidized
Change the spelling
subsidised
show examples
 studios and public commissions provide a safety net for emerging
non-commercialized
Change the spelling
non-commercialised
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
. Mitigating financial insecurity,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 ensures an environment where
Use synonyms
artists
Check wording
artists'
show examples
 expressions can thrive based on merit and cultural values rather than the commercial appeal alone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
heavy handed
Correct your spelling
heavy-handed
government
Use synonyms
 intervention to artificially balance
income
Correct article usage
the income
show examples
 levels of
artists
Use synonyms
 is impractical and counterproductive. The financial value of modern art is inherently subjective, determined by
large
Correct word choice
great
show examples
 public demand and private institutions. If
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 attempt to redistribute wealth and dictate income levels within the creative industry, it risks introducing bureaucratic
favoritism
Change the spelling
favouritism
show examples
 and stifling
artists
Use synonyms
’ independence.
Instead
Linking Words
, allowing
market
Use synonyms
mechanism
Check wording
mechanisms
show examples
 to reward innovation, complemented by baseline state support ensure creativity is preserved
while
Linking Words
 encouraging
artists
Use synonyms
 to engage with
broader
Correct article usage
a broader
show examples
 audience.
To sum up
Linking Words
, these hypotheses urge us to hold
impartial
Correct article usage
an impartial
show examples
view
Use synonyms
 and construct
deep
Correct article usage
a deep
show examples
 understanding
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 can support and create a platform for struggling creators
while
Linking Words
 allowing
market
Use synonyms
force
Check wording
forces
show examples
 and public appreciation to reward innovation. So, any
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual,
show examples
 regardless of their biased views on
this
Linking Words
issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
show examples
 would be able to respect my
view
Use synonyms
 by examining the rudimentary conundrum and other alternative preponderant results.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer addresses the question, but it needs more direct and real support. Add one clear example, such as a young painter who can keep working because of a state grant, or a public art project paid for by a city.
task response
State your answer more directly in the introduction. For example: “I partly agree. Governments should support poor artists, but they should not control the income of successful artists.”
task response
Some parts are too general. Explain why grants, low-cost work spaces, or public jobs would help artists and the public. Then explain why taking money from rich artists may be unfair or hard to manage.
task response
Remove ideas that do not answer the question, such as “dialectic view”, “meta-synthetic methodology”, and “speculative hypothesis”. They do not add support to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your first two paragraphs are hard to follow because they repeat the same point and use long, unclear lines. Start each body paragraph with one simple main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler links. For example: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use too many formal words when a simple word is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Make grammar in key lines clearer. For example, change “a market which driven by” to “a market that is driven by”. Change “If government attempt” to “If governments attempt”. Change “market mechanism ... ensure” to “market forces ... ensure”.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should repeat your exact view in plain words. Avoid ending with claims about people respecting your view; this is not needed for the essay.
task response
Your main view is clear: the state should help artists at the start, but should not try to make all artists earn the same amount.
task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the other hand” and “To sum up” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic disparity
  • Market demand
  • Public visibility
  • Artistic merit
  • Equitable distribution
  • Government intervention
  • Free market
  • Bureaucratic complications
  • Social and economic inequalities
  • Targeted government assistance
  • Wider reforms
  • Commercial viability
  • Niche audiences
  • Financial rewards
  • Systemic issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: