IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should humans adjust to technology or should technology be adjusted to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Technology
Use synonyms
 has strongly transformed almost every
aspects
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aspect
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 of
human’s
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human
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 life
for
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apply
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over the decades, in the way how
people
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 learn, communicate, or even education
base
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based
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 on
the artificial
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artificiality
. Others
,
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apply
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 argued that individuals should adapt to technological developments in order to catch up with
changing
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a changing
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 world,
while
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 I believed that
technology
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 should be well-adjusted by
human
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humans
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, relying on their demands either desiration.
Moreover
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, I clearly agree that high-tech tools
making
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make
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people
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 become more potential in their own intelligence rather than intellectually weaker in modern’s world, especially in
the
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an
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 effective way to expand
knowledges
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knowledge
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, discovering and well- balancing in life.
According to
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 the first viewpoint
which
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, which
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known
Verb problem
is known
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 as a positive
outlook
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outlook,
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 is that
technology
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 should be adjusted to
human
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humans
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 rather than
others
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other
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 aspects. The main purpose of
this
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 trend is that
technology
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 is an assistive equipment based on
user’s
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the user’s
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 willingness
so
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, so
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 that it must be suitable for various groups of
people
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, including children, the elderly, employees and
people
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 with
the
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apply
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physical
disability
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disabilities
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.
For example
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, devices
has
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have
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 been
customed
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customised
 to
encouragingly
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apply
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fit with each
circumstances
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circumstance
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 by voice assistants, a high-security privacy system,
ensuring
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helping
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 users
to
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apply
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reduce the uncomfortable feeling when they first approach the
technology
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sides
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apply
show examples
. A second aspect I tend to believe that
technology
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 is making
people
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 more
intelligence
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intelligent
because of its cruciality. It enables different
type
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types
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 of individuals to be capable of searching for the necessary information and improving their efficiency in accquiring knowledges.
Consequently
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, students may choose
attend
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to attend
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 online classes as
convenient
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conveniently
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 as face-to-face classes
,
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;
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furthermore
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, the elderly can easily access
to
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apply
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the internet so as to
reading
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read
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 the
newest of
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latest
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 newspapers and keep in touch with their relatives.
For instance
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, many pupils use AI tools
such
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 as Gemini
,
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apply
show examples
ChatGpt
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and ChatGPT
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 to explain misunderstood lessons, exploring more academic versions in terms of preparing for the important study sessions.
Although
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 some
people
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 see
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this
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these
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 trends in a negative way because of the
heavily
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heavy
 reliance on digital devices among teenagers and fewer
employments
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employment opportunities
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.
This
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 phenomenon is caused by the lack of self-control
from themselves
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on their part
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instead
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 of the widespread
technology
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from
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apply
show examples
itself. In conclusion, some
people
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 argued that
technology
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 should be remainly human-controlled to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the demand as opposed to forcing
people
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 to learn in an adaptable
ways
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way
show examples
.
In addition
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, when each individuals know how to maintain the used in personal
responsiblity
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responsibility
, it enables them to discover more about the function in
todays
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today's
 world and become technologically competent.

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task response
Score: 5. Give a more direct answer to the first question. Say that people should learn to use new technology, but technology must also be made for human needs. This is a stronger and more balanced view.
task response
Develop each main point more. In the first body part, explain how voice help or safe design helps old people or people with a disability. Then show why this means technology should fit people.
task response
Your AI example is useful, but also show the other side in more detail. AI may help students find ideas, but it may harm learning if they copy answers. Say how people can use it in a good way.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear, such as “fewer employments” and “technology sides”. Use clear, direct ideas that answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Use one clear main idea in each body part. Body 1 can be about technology fitting human needs. Body 2 can be about technology and human thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. Do not use many long sentences with several ideas. Use short sentences: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Furthermore” is not needed before the point about old people. Start a new sentence or use “Also”.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph repeats the view, but it is hard to understand. End with two simple sentences that answer both questions clearly.
task response
You answer both main questions. Your view is clear: technology should fit human needs, and it can make people more able to learn.
task response
You use examples, such as voice help, online classes, and AI tools. These examples are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This makes the main plan easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “Consequently”, “Although”, and “In conclusion”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adaptation
  • cognitive overload
  • user-friendly interface
  • information accessibility
  • critical thinking
  • superficial interactions
  • reliance on technology
  • problem-solving skills
  • communication styles
  • online etiquette
  • engagement
  • reinforcement of skills
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