IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that social media sites have a huge negative effect on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the
cutting edge
Correct your spelling
cutting-edge
 era, social media has become popular among the youth of today's generation.
According to
Linking Words
 some people, Social media platforms are causing
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 impact on various individuals
as well as
Linking Words
 members of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in the subsequent paragraphs, I would

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task response
Score: 4. This is only the start of an essay, so it does not fully answer the question. Add two main reasons why you disagree, with clear examples. For example, say how social media can help people keep in touch and learn new things. Then add a short end that repeats your view.
task response
Be careful with your main idea. The question asks about both people and society. Write about both. One body part can be about people, and one can be about society.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 4. The writing stops in the middle of a sentence: 'I would'. Finish this sentence and use a clear plan: start, body 1, body 2, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to join ideas: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'However', and 'In the end'. Do not use long or hard phrases when a simple one is better.
coherence and cohesion
Change 'In the cutting edge era' to 'Today'. Change 'among the youth of today’s generation' to 'among young people'. These are clearer and more natural.
task response
You give a clear view: you disagree with the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your first lines give the topic and your own view, so the start is clear.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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