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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?

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It is often argued that primary
schools
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 pay much attention to formal education. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement because formal education helps
students
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 to gain
knowledge
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 more precisely and understand the roots of every subject.
However
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, it is significant for
children
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 to be allowed to play alongside their learning in the primary
school
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 as it will develop their
mental-wellbeing
Correct your spelling
mental well-being
 and physical strength. First and foremost, the reason why I disagree with formal education in the primary
school
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 is that
this
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 learning will boost
students
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'
knowledge
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while
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 they are studying in the primary
school
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.
In addition
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,
students
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 will gain confidence in
subjects
Correct determiner usage
their subjects
show examples
. It will not only boost their capacity, but
also
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, they will be able to navigate their high
school
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 subjects confidently because they already know the basics of the subjects from their formal learning in the primary
school
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.
For instance
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, primary
schools
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 in the USA offer
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
 fair with the primary
school
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students
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.
Students
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 are able to present their project at the fair, and it is feasible for formal learning.
Moreover
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, structured learning allows
students
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 to get better in their future
studies
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 as they have gained the primary
knowledge
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 in terms of every subject in their primary
school
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.
Thus
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, it is significant to focus
much
Rephrase
heavily
show examples
 on structured learning in primary
school
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.
Furthermore
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, it is crucial to consider that
children
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 should have a chance to play
along with
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 their formal learning.
This
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 will develop kids' interest in their
studies
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.
In addition
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, they will enjoy attending their
schools
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 every day as they know that they will have the opportunity for the game.
For example
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, UK primary
schools
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 arrange weekly inter-class tournaments for the
children
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.
As a result
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, the percentage of student attendees is always around 98%.
Moreover
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, playing
games
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besides
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studies
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 improves
students
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' physical strength. It
also
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 develops
mental-wellbeing
Correct your spelling
mental well-being
 as
children
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 have the opportunity to play
games
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 during their break period.
Therefore
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, it is important to introduce
games
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besides
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 formal learning for the
children
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 in primary
school
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. In conclusion, I firmly reiterate my agreement with the idea that
school
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 should focus more on structured learning, as it helps
children
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 to gain
knowledge
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 more precisely about their future
studies
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 and the basics of the subject;
as well as
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school
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 should introduce playing
games
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besides
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studies
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, as it will develop
children
Use synonyms
's physical strength and
mental-wellbeing
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mental well-being
.

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task response
Score: 6. Your main problem is that your view is not fully clear. In the introduction, you say “I strongly disagree”, but you then say schools should focus much on structured learning. This sounds like agreement. Say clearly: “I partly agree” or “I disagree that schools focus too much on formal learning.”
task response
Explain the first question more directly. The task asks if schools focus too much on formal learning. You mostly explain why formal learning is useful. Also say how much formal learning is enough, and why too much may be a problem.
task response
Your examples are useful, but they need more detail or a clearer link to your point. For example, explain how a science fair shows the value of formal learning, not just that schools have one.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. In body paragraph 1, you start by saying you disagree with formal education, but the rest of the paragraph says it is important. Change this first line so it matches the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words and phrases, such as “formal learning in primary school” and “students will”. You can use simple changes like “this kind of study”, “children”, or “it” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and fully match your view. At present, “I reiterate my agreement” is not clear because the introduction says you disagree. State your final view in one simple sentence, then give the two main reasons.
task response
You answer both parts of the task. You give a clear view: schools should teach formal subjects, but children also need time to play.
task response
Your main points are clear: formal study can help with later school work, and play can help health, interest, and school attendance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one body part about learning, one body part about play, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “First and foremost”, “Furthermore”, “For example”, and “Therefore” to guide the reader.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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