IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today choose self-employment instead of working for a company or organisation. Why do you think this is happening? What are the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
people
Use synonyms
 are opting to become independent
business
Use synonyms
 owners rather than working for someone else.
This
Linking Words
 is because youth today prefer flexibility in
work
Use synonyms
, but it may lead to financial
loss
Use synonyms
, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Working for oneself has more freedom than working for someone else.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 do not have to follow a rigid schedule for punching in and punching out. When
people
Use synonyms
 have more freedom in the number of hours they
work
Use synonyms
, they do not have to take permission from their manager
for leaving
Wrong verb form
to leave
show examples
 early or
coming
Wrong verb form
arrive
show examples
 late.
This
Linking Words
 helps to manage their time effectively, managing their family commitments.
For example
Linking Words
, a
business
Use synonyms
 owner may open his shop
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 late in order to complete any immediate family
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 freedom of
work
Use synonyms
 responsibilities motivates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to become entrepreneurs.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may lead to financial losses in the startups because not everyone has enough knowledge to run a successful
business
Use synonyms
. As
people
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 lack experience in how to maintain
cashflow
Correct your spelling
cash flow
, profit, expenses and staff, they may spend more money than their profit, which may lead to financial
loss
Use synonyms
 in their startups.
For example
Linking Words
, a youth who started a coffee shop
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may spend more to maintain the infrastructure than his monthly turnover, leading to
business
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 closure because of
loss
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. In turn, financial
loss
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 in
business
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may lead to severe consequences like depression and fear to start
business
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 again.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Individuals are choosing to open their own
business
Use synonyms
 because of
flexibility
Correct article usage
the flexibility
show examples
 in
work
Use synonyms
 hours.
This
Linking Words
 may result in
loss
Use synonyms
 in initial startups, which could affect
in
Change preposition
the
show examples
 long-term.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on topic, but the ideas need more depth. Explain more fully why young people want flexible work. For example, say that they may want to choose their hours, work from home, or spend more time with family.
task response
Add one more disadvantage. For example, self-employed people may have no fixed pay, no paid holiday, and no one to help when work is hard. This would make your answer more complete.
task response
Make the last idea more clear. Instead of “which could affect in long-term”, say what may happen: “This can cause debt and stress for many years.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. In the first body paragraph, the point about freedom is good, but some sentences repeat the same idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. “This helps to manage their time effectively, managing their family commitments” is not clear. Write: “This helps them manage their time and meet family needs.”
coherence and cohesion
Some examples need smoother wording. Write “open his shop a little late” instead of “open his shop little late”. Also, do not put a comma after “shop” in “a coffee shop, may spend”.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main points well. Make it stronger by naming both the good side and the bad side in one clear final sentence.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: why people choose self-employment and what bad sides it can have.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: freedom at work is a reason, and money loss is a disadvantage.
task response
You use examples about a shop owner and a coffee shop. These help make your points clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, one paragraph for the reason, one paragraph for the disadvantage, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “For example”, “Consequently”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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