Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people believe that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem, while others argue against this. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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I would agree that many children, especially in the United
States
Punctuation problem
States,
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have an unhealthy lifestyle. From all the quick and available fast food restaurants, to the laziness of sitting indoors on electronics. I do believe that schools and parents are
apart
Use the right word
a part
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of the ongoing issue. Most school lunches in America are very unhealthy. Parents are responsible for teaching their children at a young age, regarding nutrition and healthy activities for a healthy lifestyle. If change is going to happen, it starts in the
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
and schools.

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Task response
Estimated score: 5. Your answer is on topic, but it is much too short for an IELTS Task 2 essay. Write at least two full body paragraphs and explain each main point more.
Task response
Give more support for your ideas. For example, say how unhealthy school food can cause weight gain, or how parents can set meal times and limit screen time.
Task response
Answer the other view as well. You can say that some people think children must make their own choices, but parents and schools still have a strong role.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, schools, parents, and conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to join ideas: First, Also, For example, However, and In conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. Do not put school and parent points together in the same paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Check small word errors: use 'a part of', not 'apart of'; 'household', not 'house hold'; and 'fast-food restaurants' or 'fast food restaurants'.
Task response
You give a clear view: you agree that parents and schools both have a part in this problem.
Task response
You use relevant points, such as fast food, time on electronics, school meals, and parents teaching children.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order: the problem, the role of schools, the role of parents, and a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
The last line brings your main idea together: change should start at home and at school.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • physical activities
  • nutritious meals
  • physical education classes
  • curriculum
  • workshops
  • societal norms
  • advertising
  • peer pressure
  • government policies
  • community programs
  • environment
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