IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishments is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children ?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
I think it's important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age as it shapes their personalities and their understanding from an early stage, learning is very crucial at the beginning of their years because it sticks with the child and they never forget what they learned , whenever you want to introduce a hobby or a skill to children they never forget it when they grow up, that's why in Russia they teach ice skating to 5 year olds and they are now world leaders in that sport .
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 I don't believe in punishment per
say
Use the right word
se
show examples
, I would rather use the term encouragement, the more you encourage a person to do something
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 more they will do it better each time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a lot of studies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 backing that up now with
gentle
Correct article usage
the gentle
show examples
 parenting method
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. In my opinion think it's more effective than punishment.
Parent
Check wording
Parents
show examples
 should not punish their children unless it's something major
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 feel like that should start when they are
pre teen and schools
Punctuation problem
pre-teen. Schools
show examples
 and teachers should do the same
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 structure
, the pre teen
Punctuation problem
. The pre-teen
show examples
 should know the difference between the consequences of
his behavior
Fix the agreement mistake
their behaviour
show examples
 if it was at home
or
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 in school
and and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 around different people, as it might affect other people. Right and wrong must be learned at a very early stage of life, and it needs to continue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 5. Your main view is clear, but you need to explain it more fully. Say why encouragement works better, and give one clear example of how it can change a child’s behavior.
task response
The second question needs a more direct answer. You say parents and teachers should punish only for major acts, but you do not say what punishment is allowed. You could suggest safe actions, such as saying sorry, losing screen time, or doing a helpful task. Say that hitting and harsh punishment should not be used.
task response
The Russia ice-skating example shows that early learning can work, but it does not strongly show how children learn right and wrong. Use an example about sharing, lying, being kind, or breaking school rules.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraph plan clearer. Paragraph 1: your answer. Paragraph 2: why early learning matters. Paragraph 3: why encouragement is better. Paragraph 4: safe punishments at home and school. Then add a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas. Break them into short sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple joining words to show the link between ideas: First, However, For example, Therefore, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your last line repeats an earlier idea. Use the end to restate your view and answer the punishment question in a clear way.
task response
You give a clear view: children should learn right and wrong early, but support and encouragement are better than punishment.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You talk about whether punishment is needed and what parents and teachers should do.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: early learning, your view on punishment, then the role of parents and schools.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishments
  • teaching
  • good behavior
  • parents
  • teachers
  • children
  • difference
  • right
  • wrong
  • responsible
  • rules
  • consequences
  • actions
  • physical
  • emotional
  • privileges
  • effective
  • reinforcement
  • praising
  • approach
  • guidance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: