IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Students should pay the full cost of their own studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people argue that
students
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 should pay their entire tuition fee by themselves, because the main beneficiaries are
students
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 rather than society.
Whereas
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university
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education
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 gives opportunities for personal growth, I strongly disagree with the view that
students
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 should pay their full educational costs. Since
,
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apply
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 there are many advantages to society and social welfare. It is a fact that
university
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 graduates have numerous opportunities and benefits from studying in institutions.
Firstly
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, it opens doors to better employment, higher salary, and progression in their career.
Furthermore
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, tertiary
education
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 equips individuals with specialised knowledge and transferable skills, enabling them to compete successfully in an increasingly globalised world.
For example
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, people can work high-pay offices or companies
,
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 with their degree
,
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 and qualifications.
Therefore
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, people should cover part of their own tuition fee.
However
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, requiring
students
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 to pay the full cost overlooks the far-reaching benefits that higher
education
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 brings to society.
Initially
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,
university
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 graduates play a crucial role in creating innovation, doing scientific research, and improving public services. Doctors, engineers, teachers, and researchers not only pursue personal success but
also
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 contribute directly to economic growth and social well-being.
Moreover
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, if
university
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education
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 were funded entirely by
students
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, many talented individuals from low-income families would be unable to afford it, resulting in a loss of valuable human capital.
Such
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 inequality has negative aspects
to the
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for
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 national productivity and reduces social stability. In conclusion,
although
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university
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education
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 undoubtedly offers considerable personal advantages, I think the government should support talented individuals in their economic growth and social welfare.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on topic and your view is clear. To reach 7, explain more clearly why the state should pay part of the cost. For example, say that more trained doctors and teachers help all people.
task response
Your example about high-pay jobs is too general. Give one real or clear example, such as a poor student who becomes a doctor and then helps people in small towns.
task response
Your last line is not fully clear. The state should support students, not support them “in their economic growth and social welfare”. Say what kind of help you mean: lower fees, grants, or loans.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order of ideas is easy to follow, but some links are not natural. Do not use “Since” after a full stop in the first part. Join it to the line before, or write a full new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some topic lines could be more direct. In body 1, start with: “University study gives students many personal gains.” In body 2, start with: “However, it also gives important gains to society.”
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear idea in each sentence. For example, change “Such inequality has negative aspects to the national productivity” to “This can hurt the country because fewer skilled people can work.”
task response
Your view is clear: you strongly disagree. You also show both sides of the issue.
task response
You give good main points: students gain better jobs, while society gains from doctors, teachers, and research.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, “However”, and “Moreover” help the reader follow your ideas.
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