IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that the responsibility to foster
children
Use synonyms
 with a good attitude is laid on the
schools
Punctuation problem
schools,
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 to provide academic education. I partly agree with
this
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 statement for the reason that educational institutions are the centre of social events and interactions, where kids may develop their communication skills. At the same time, parents should remain responsible for raising an individual with great behaviour and moral values. On the one hand, schools are well placed (arranged) to teach pupils how to behave in society.
Children
Use synonyms
 spend considerable time in the educational environment, where they have an opportunity to cultivate an appropriate attitude.
As a result
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, they learn how to respect other people, follow rules, understand restrictions and cooperate
for resolving
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to resolve
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 conflicts. These skills are essential for maintaining discipline in the classroom and
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further to be
Wrong verb form
being
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 ready for life challenges in adult life.
For example
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, Ukrainian tutors encourage pupils to listen to different opinions during lessons, divide responsibilities during breaks regarding classroom cleanup duties and support kids in order to achieve a common goal.
On the other hand
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, educational institutions, especially teachers, are not formally responsible for shaping kids’ character. In
this
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case
Add a comma
case,
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 only parents are entitled to help their
children
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 to develop the right ethical values, namely respect and kindness.
Children
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 often copy the behaviour that they observe at home.
Consequently
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, the parental example can strongly affect
children
Use synonyms
’s future conduct.
For instance
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, Norwegian parents who treat others respectfully and involve their
children
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 in household responsibilities can teach them consideration, independence and accountability through everyday experience.
To sum up
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, educational institutions should establish and develop basic social skills for
further
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 interrogation in an adult world alongside academic knowledge,
while
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 families should
instill
Change the spelling
instil
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 the main principles of good conduct.

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task response
Score: 7. Keep your main view the same in every part. In the end, say more clearly that you partly agree because both schools and parents must teach good behavior.
task response
Your examples are useful, but they are a little long and very country-based. A shorter example can be stronger: for example, group work teaches children to share and listen.
task response
Some ideas need clearer words. “further interrogation in an adult world” does not fit the meaning. Say “use in adult life” or “life as adults”.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your paragraphs are clear, but some sentences are too long. Split long ideas into two short sentences to make them easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. For example, write “However, parents have the main role” to show the change from the school point to the parent point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and clearer. It should repeat your answer, not add a new hard idea.
task response
Your view is clear: schools should help, but parents have the main role. You answer both parts of the question.
task response
You give clear reasons and examples for schools and parents.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, schools, parents, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “As a result”, and “Consequently” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • good behavior
  • character development
  • values
  • respect
  • kindness
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • curriculum
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • parental guidance
  • consistent environment
  • academic performance
  • engagement
  • collaboration
  • social cohesion
  • positive reinforcement
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