IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table snows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table illustrates the number of mobile phones sold by five manufacturers between 2006 and 2012, measured in millions of
units
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Nokia remained the market leader for most of the period,
while
Linking Words
 Samsung experienced substantial growth and became the best-selling brand by the end.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Ericsson and Motorola saw declining sales,
whereas
Linking Words
 Apple recorded the most dramatic increase. Looking at the leading companies, Nokia’s sales rose from 345
million
Use synonyms
units
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 in 2006 to a peak of 475
million
Use synonyms
 in 2008 before falling to 335
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
By comparison
Linking Words
, Samsung showed consistent growth throughout the period, increasing from 117
million
Use synonyms
 to 396.5
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 and eventually overtaking Nokia. As for the remaining manufacturers, Motorola’s sales declined significantly from 210
million
Use synonyms
 to just 28
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
. Ericsson followed a similar downward trend, dropping from 74
million
Use synonyms
 to 28
million
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, Apple entered the market later but grew rapidly, rising from only 2.3
million
Use synonyms
units
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 in 2007 to 135.8
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.

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task response
Score: 8. This is a strong report with clear key points and good numbers. To reach 9, add one more direct comparison at the end, such as saying Samsung sold about 62 million more phones than Nokia in 2012. Also, make sure the data for Apple starts in the correct year in the table.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. Your paragraphs are clear and easy to read. For an even better flow, group Motorola and Ericsson in one short sentence because both fell to 28 million in 2012. You could also use fewer contrast words in close order, so the links feel more natural.
task response
You give a clear main view: Nokia was first for most years, Samsung went up, and Apple rose fast. You also cover all five makers and key changes.
coherence and cohesion
The answer has a clear order: main view first, then Nokia and Samsung, then the other three makers. Words such as 'Overall', 'By comparison', and 'Meanwhile' help the reader follow it.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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