IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison, but that some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community.

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There has always been a debate about whether
prisoners
Use synonyms
 should take part in unpaid
community
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 services
while
Linking Words
 they are still in
jail
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. Despite some criticisms about the potential risk, I maintain that criminals should be allowed to do some work. Prisons should not be a place only to lock people in and
forbidden
Wrong verb form
forbid
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 all kinds of activities
,
Punctuation problem
;
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instead
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,
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 should provide
prisoners
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some
Change preposition
with some
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 learning opportunities. Allowing criminals to devote in the
community
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 not only benefits
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, but
also
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 serves as a good chance for them to cultivate.
For instance
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, each prison in Taiwan has its own feature, be it handmade soybean sauce, chocolate cookie or soap. All
prisoners
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 in the
jail
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 have a specific time each week to gather and make these items. By learning during the
handmake
Correct your spelling
handmaking
 process,
prisoners
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 get to learn skills
such
Linking Words
 as baking, wrapping
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 even promoting. Once the products were finished, they would be sold to the public. These unpaid works are a part of the entertainment for those in
jail
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, and
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
also
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 offer
prisoners
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 skills to learn.
Additionally
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,
community
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 services
also
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a vital role in the criminals’
socialization
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socialisation
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. To be more specific, participating in all kinds of activities can help them to interact with more people.
For example
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, some
jail
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chorus
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choruses
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 can perform
in
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on
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 special occasions
Punctuation problem
, in
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in holidays
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apply
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such
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 as Christmas. Through
this
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 process, they can rebuild their communication skills and learn how to behave appropriately in social events.
As a result
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, they may find it easier to return
the
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to
show examples
 society after they are released.
To conclude
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, I believe allowing
prisoners
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 to take part in unpaid
community
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 works a sensible way to benefit both offenders themselves and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It provides
prisoners
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 with more opportunities to learn and
also
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 assists in their
socialization
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socialisation
show examples
, preventing the
isolate
Replace the word
isolating
 feelings
while
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 in
jail
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Score: 6. You answer the question well, but you do not fully deal with the other side. Add one short idea about the risk: for example, people who did very bad crimes may need to stay in prison, while low-risk people can do work with close care.
task response
Make your first point more direct. Say clearly that unpaid work can give people job skills and can lower the chance that they do crime again after prison.
task response
Your examples are good, but explain the link more. After the Taiwan example, say how baking, packing, or selling can help a person find work after leaving prison.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Some sentences are very long and join too many ideas. Use shorter sentences. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. You use “prisoners”, “criminals”, “offenders”, and “those in jail”. Choose one or two words and use them most of the time.
coherence and cohesion
Some links need to be clearer. In the first body part, move from learning skills to helping the community in a more clear order: first say what work they do, then say how it helps the community, and then say how it helps them.
coherence and cohesion
Your last line is not fully clear. Instead of “preventing the isolate feelings”, write “This can also help them feel less alone in prison.”
task response
Your main view is clear: some people in prison should do unpaid work. You give two main reasons: they can learn work skills, and they can learn how to be with other people again.
task response
Your Taiwan example is clear and real. It shows what kind of work people can do and why it may help them later.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Additionally”, “For example”, and “As a result” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main point, so the essay is easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • incarceration
  • non-violent crimes
  • overcrowding
  • reoffending rates
  • judicial discretion
  • alternative punishments
  • public funds
  • community service
  • petty theft
  • vandalism
  • punitive measures
  • social reintegration
  • deterrence
  • minor offenses
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