Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people believe that they negatively affect society and should be banned, while others consider them harmless forms of relaxation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, movies and computer
games
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that contain violent content have become increasingly popular all over the world. Some
people
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argue that
such
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entertainment has a harmful impact on society and
therefore
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it should be prohibited,
while
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others believe that
this
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is harmless and a great way to relax.
This
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essay will discuss both views before explaining why these kinds of films should be regulated rather than banned. On the one hand, many
people
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think that they have numerous negative influences on an individual’s mental well-being, especially children and teenagers. They often imitate what they watch on screen.
Additionally
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, many young
people
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have a tendency to learn harmful aspects rather than positive attitudes.
Furthermore
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, excessive consumption of violent media may contribute to fear, anxiety and antisocial behaviour.
For example
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, children might fear staying in the dark , or they might break the law or commit a crime, which are disadvantageous not only for themselves, but
also
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for society. For these reasons, some
people
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argue that banning
such
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content is necessary to protect society.
On the other hand
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, violent
games
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and films are a great way to relax and do not lead to violent behaviour. The vast majority of individuals watch them to entertain after a hectic and busy day.
In addition
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, there are many
people
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who are not influenced by violent scenes.
Moreover
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, some
games
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help to improve problem-solving abilities, strategic thinking, and hand-eye coordination. Rather than banning violent content, governments can introduce age restrictions to ensure that unsuitable material is kept away from children
while
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allowing adults to make their own choices. In conclusion,
although
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violent films and computer
games
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may negatively influence young audiences, I believe they should not be prohibited entirely. Effective regulation, parental supervision and age-appropriate restrictions are more practical solutions than at banning system.

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task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, make your examples more real and more closely tied to the point. For example, explain how age limits can stop young children from seeing content made for adults.
task response
Some claims are too broad. Instead of saying young people often copy what they see, say that some young people may copy it, mainly when they watch it a lot and have little adult help.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but say it a little earlier in the first part and keep the same words through the essay: control, age limits, and parent help.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your order is good, but some ideas need more support. In the first main part, the move from fear of the dark to breaking the law is too fast. Add one or two lines to show the link.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many link words in one short part. “Additionally”, “Furthermore”, and “For example” are fine, but each new sentence should add a clear new idea.
coherence and cohesion
The last words, “than at banning system”, are not clear. Write: “than a full ban” or “than banning all such content”.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main idea is clear: the content should be controlled, not fully banned.
task response
Your ideas are on topic. You give reasons for both harm and for fun or skill building.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Each part has one main side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Additionally”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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