IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Analysts tell us that many people today feel stressed and depressed. They think they have no control over their lives. What problems can such feelings cause for people? What remedies could you suggest?

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There
a
Verb problem
are a
show examples
lot of problems
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 a bad feeling for
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there are many ways to fix
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. I agree that sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 feel stressed and
depresses
Replace the word
depressed
 that they think that they have no control over their lives.
First,
Linking Words
many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that way because they
got
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a problem in their life.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it can be because of work, family problems or even school work.
Linking Words
second
Capitalize the word
Second
show examples
, some humans feel terrible about themself or
disappointment
Replace the word
disappointed
 at what they
accomplishment
Replace the word
accomplished
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 feel terrible or guilty
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what action they did
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 fighting someone or even losing a close friend.
Lastly
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 do not like to go
therapy
Change preposition
to therapy
show examples
 or do not try to get help
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that can lead to worse
consequence
Check wording
consequences
show examples
. I agree that
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are many ways to fix the
stressed
Replace the word
stress
 and
depressed
Replace the word
depression
 problem.
First,
Linking Words
you need to get help
by someone
Change preposition
from a
show examples
 professional
like
Change preposition
, such as
show examples
 a therapy
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
also,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to be ashamed of it.
Second,
Linking Words
try to talk to someone you trust
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 your family or a trusted adult.
Lastly
Linking Words
, do things you usually enjoy
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example
playing
Punctuation problem
, playing
show examples
 the
support
Use the right word
sport
show examples
 that you like or even doing art
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 can reduce the stress and the anxiety. In conclusion, I believe that
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are many ways to fix that problem
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 the main solution is
try
Verb problem
to try
show examples
 to find a way to help humans. Analysts tell us that many
people
Use synonyms
 today feel stressed and depressed. They think they have no control over their lives. What problems can
such
Linking Words
 feelings cause for
people
Use synonyms
? What remedies could you suggest?

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task response
Score: 5. Do not say “I partially agree.” The question does not ask if you agree. Start by saying that stress and depression can cause serious problems, and that there are ways to help.
task response
Explain the problems more fully. For example, stress can cause sleep problems, poor work or school results, less contact with other people, and health problems. Depression can make people feel alone and may lead to self-harm.
task response
Give one short example for each main idea. For example: a worker who cannot sleep may make more mistakes at work. This makes your answer stronger.
task response
Make each remedy match a problem. If someone feels alone, talking to family or a therapist can help. If work causes stress, taking breaks and making a daily plan can help.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is clear, but some points are not in the best place. In the first main part, “many people do not like to go therapy” is a reason why help is not found, not a problem caused by stress or depression. Move it to the remedies part.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “These feelings can cause problems in a person’s health, work, and family life.” Then explain each problem.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words: “For example,” “As a result,” “Because of this,” and “In addition.” Do not use only “First” and “Lastly” in every paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Paragraph 2 should only discuss problems. Paragraph 3 should only discuss remedies. This will make the essay easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should sum up both answers. For example: “In conclusion, stress and depression can harm health, work, and family life. People can get help from a therapist, trusted people, and healthy daily activities.”
task response
You answer both parts: problems and ways to help. Your ideas are on the topic.
task response
You give clear help ideas, such as seeing a therapist, talking to family, and doing things you enjoy.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple order words such as First, Second, and Lastly. This helps the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • insufficient control
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • motivation
  • productivity
  • coping mechanisms
  • substance abuse
  • overeating
  • chronic stress
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • immune system
  • stress-related illnesses
  • remedies
  • mindfulness
  • time management
  • support systems
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