Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences is key to reducing traffic accidents. Others however believe that other measures would improve road safety. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is an irrefutable fact that
road
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accidents
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have become a growing concern in recent years.
While
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some
people
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argue that a strong
punishment
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is the most effective solution to reduce
traffic
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accidents
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, others reject
this
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notion and emphasise other ways to enhance
road
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safety
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. I totally agree with the former view because the
traffic
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safety
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guidelines are more effective when drivers take them seriously
due to
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the fear of
punishment
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. Many
people
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are of the view that revamping the
traffic
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system and developing
road
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infrastructure may help reduce
road
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crashes. To elaborate, installation of
traffic
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lights at shorter intervals can be an effective way to minimise the chances of overspeeding, which is one of the prominent reasons for causing
road
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collisions.
Furthermore
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, repairing potholes, which more often cause
road
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accidents
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, can be a prudent strategy to improve
road
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safety
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.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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view because all efforts are more likely to be in vain if vehicle drivers neglect their civic sense and ignore public
safety
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while
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are
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apply
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driving. I take the side of the
people
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who support the perspective that a stronger
punishment
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will play a significant role in reducing vehicle
accidents
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on roads. Rash driving, drink and drive, and crossing the red light are some major reasons for hitting
people
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walking or driving on roads. A stern
punishment
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for these offences will create fear among
people
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, and they will pay serious attention to
traffic
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rules. To exemplify,
in
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apply
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countries
such
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as the UAE have implemented heavy penalties and loss of driving license for violating
traffic
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rules, which resulted in making
people
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driving
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drive
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carefully
and
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, and
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the number of
road
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accidents
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have
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has
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drastically decreased.
Thus
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, a harsh
punishment
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is a more effective solution to minimise
road
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accidents
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. In conclusion,
although
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some
people
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strongly argue that improving
road
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conditions and installing more
traffic
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lights could be a vital step to avoid
traffic
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accidents
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, I believe taking strict legal action against
traffic
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rule violators will be a more prudent way to deal with
this
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problem.

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task response
Score: 7. Your answer is on topic and covers all parts. To reach 8, make each main idea more full. For example, explain more clearly why fines, loss of a licence, or prison change driver actions.
task response
The UAE example is useful, but it needs more care. Do not make a very strong claim about fewer crashes unless you can show it. You can say: “For example, high fines and licence loss may make drivers follow the rules more closely.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The order of ideas is clear, but some links are too long or not smooth. For example, split this idea into two short sentences: better roads can help, but they cannot stop all bad driver acts.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “road accidents” or “traffic accidents” most of the time, rather than many different names. This will make the writing feel more joined.
coherence and cohesion
The first body part starts with the other view, which is good. But its last sentence is hard to read: “while are driving.” Write: “if drivers ignore public safety while driving.”
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. Your opinion stays the same from the start to the end.
task response
You give clear reasons for both sides: better roads and lights, then strict action for bad driving.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: start, other view, your view, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Furthermore”, “However”, “To exemplify”, and “Thus” help the reader follow your ideas.
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