IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Scientists say that junk food is harmful to people’s health. Some say the way ask people to leas fast food is educate them.while others say education doesn’t work.discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The junk
food
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 issue is old news. Everyone knows that junk
food
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 is harmful and
will
Verb problem
can
show examples
 cause
a
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apply
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serious health
issue
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issues
show examples
 if it's not taken seriously. Education can really
change
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 the situation. It
doesn
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'
t
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 mean that it will
change
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people
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's minds about
the
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apply
show examples
fast
food
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, and they won'
t
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 have it! But, it will make them think deeply about it, and maybe
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 guilty as well. So when time goes
, they
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by, they
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 will come more mature
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they may consider it as an open meal, or have it
in
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on
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 cheat
day
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! Cheat
day
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 is the
day
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 when
people
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 have one
day
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 off a week in a strict diet schedule.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that education
doesn
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'
t
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 matter, maybe they feel that other
people
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 will eat anyway! Especially foodies. Maybe the endorsement
doesn
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'
t
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change
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 anything about their appetite, but surely it will adjust their feelings
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 maybe
feeling
Verb problem
make them feel
show examples
 guilty as well. So as time flyes maybe they will
reflex
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reflect
show examples
 and try to go on the right path by becoming healthier. I think the effect of telling
people
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 the consequences of eating fast
food
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,
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apply
show examples
doesn
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'
t
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 mean they will
change
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 all their habits directly, but it will affect them in a
long term
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long-term
 way. The government and all other organisations
even
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, even
show examples
 online campaigns, should instruct
people
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, give th healthier
opptions
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options
, teach them about their bodies and how they can become stronger and better.
To conclude
Linking Words
with
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apply
show examples
,
people
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 will do what they want and feel good about it
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
but the
show examples
 right education and guidance will make them consider better and healthier options if they knew the consequences of bad
food
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 choices.

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task response
Estimated score: 5. Your answer talks about both sides, but the second side is not fully clear. People who say education does not work need stronger reasons, for example: people know fast food is bad but still choose it because it is cheap, quick, and tastes good.
task response
Give one clear example for each side. For education, you could write about school lessons helping children choose fruit. For the other side, you could write about a busy worker choosing fast food even after seeing health messages.
task response
Your view is clear, but make it more direct. Say that education should be used with other help, such as lower prices for healthy food or rules on fast-food ads.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. In body paragraph 2, you first say education does not matter, but then you say it may make people feel guilty and change. This does not strongly show the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, especially “feeling guilty” and “as time goes”. Add new reasons instead of saying the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, clear links between ideas: “First,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In my view.” This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid less clear parts such as “open meal”, “cheat day”, and “the right path”. These ideas are not needed for the question and can make your point harder to understand.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Your main idea is clear: education may not change people at once, but it can help over time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, your view, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the other hand” and “To conclude”, which help show the order of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • junk food
  • harmful effects
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • educational campaigns
  • healthy eating habits
  • marketing influence
  • convenience food
  • government regulations
  • taxes on unhealthy foods
  • personal responsibility
  • food choices
  • lifestyle changes
  • nutritional education
  • public health initiatives
  • fast-food consumption
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