Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative arts such as painters and musicians.Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many individuals believe that the governments should invest more
money
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in creative materials
such
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as paintings, sculptures or songs
to
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for
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these talented
artists
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. Meanwhile, others claim that
this
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kind of
invesment
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investment
should be optional. From my personal perspective, I strongly agree that funding creative
artists
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should be an alternative
due to
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several reasons that will be clarified in
this
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essay. Looking at the benefits that financial
support
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helps imaginative workers.
Firstly
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, more traditional art forms will be saved despite the lack of attraction to audiences or private investors. In fact, when
money
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is invested, low-income artisans no longer worry about the limited budget
which
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, which
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assists
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allows
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them to fully pay attention to their
works
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work
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, which
also
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helps to
a
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produce
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more well-rounded and sophisticated work.
Besides
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, they could feel more
encouragable
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encouraged
and sympathetic when they could have social welfare like other national or international workers.
In addition
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, public
support
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allows talented
artists
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from lower
background
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backgrounds
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to improve their skills, not only those
with
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from
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wealthy families.
However
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, public
money
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is limited
and
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, and
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there is a huge number of urgent problems in
the
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apply
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society that
needs
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need
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more help
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such
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, such
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as hospitals, schools and transport
so
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, so
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the government should
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support
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provide financial support
show examples
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money
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apply
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to creative workers as an alternative. It is true that people cannot live without basic amenities
using
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, using
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well healthcare, education and transportation. Just only these issues can cause more problems to a government, leading a country
cannot
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to
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be
developed
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unable to develop
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and be respected by other nations.
Secondly
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, giving direct state funding may affect artistic freedom if
artists
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feel pressure to produce work that matches political views. Creative works need time, efforts and
also
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a lot of their own imagination. They have to feel free, feel comfortable to produce an
overall
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personal work
and
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, and
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when they have to match with the society now, with the political views, I think that many artisans will leave and quit
this
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job. In conclusion, I do agree that creative
artists
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should be funded
optional
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through optional
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sources rather than fixed investment.
Nevertheless
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, the government can sometimes open
art
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an art
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festival with fees as a way to introduce and protect arts and creative pieces to citizens and foreigners in order to gain more investment for essential amenities and
a
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apply
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support
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for talented
artists
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.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is on topic and has a clear opinion, but some ideas need clearer support. Explain more clearly what “other places” are. For example, say private firms, rich people, art sales, tickets, or public gifts.
task response
In the first body part, you explain why state help can be good. Add one short, real-like example. For example: “A small local music group may not make enough money from tickets, so state help can keep its work alive.”
task response
Your opinion says other money should be used, but the end says the state can hold art events. This is not wrong, but make your view more exact: the state should give limited help, while most money should come from private sources.
task response
Some points are too broad. For example, “a country cannot be developed and be respected” does not clearly show why art money should be lower than money for schools or hospitals. State the link more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In body paragraph 2, you write about limited public money and then about artistic freedom. These are both good, but give each idea more space or use two clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph match the paragraph. Instead of “Looking at the benefits that financial support helps imaginative workers,” write: “State money can help creative artists in several ways.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “On the other hand.” Do not use too many links if the idea after them is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph repeats your view, which is good. Make it shorter and more direct. Do not add a new big idea about art events at the end; put it in a body paragraph instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences make the flow hard to follow. Break them into two short sentences. For example, write: “Artists need freedom. They may feel less free if the state asks them to follow its views.”
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main view is clear: artists should get money from other places, not only from the state.
task response
You give good main points: art can save old art forms, help poor artists, and state money may be needed for health, schools, and transport.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “Besides”, “However”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” to show the order of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public funding
  • government grants
  • financial support
  • creative industries
  • traditional art forms
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • taxpayer money
  • limited public budget
  • essential public services
  • private sponsorship
  • charitable foundations
  • crowdfunding platforms
  • ticket sales
  • commercial success
  • artistic freedom
  • political influence
  • talented individuals
  • low-income backgrounds
  • independent sources of income
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